JaSam.. The True Stroy: Chapter Seven


“LET HER GO!” Jason screams and fights.


“SAM!” Jason fights awake. Jason wakes in a cold sweat. Heart racing and body shaking. Jason has never felt this way. He has never been scared for Sam like this. Jason doesn’t understand what is happening with Sam. He doesn’t understand what happened to their life. He doesn’t understand his life anymore. He doesn’t understand why he dreamed Sam in danger. Jason clutches his gun close to his chest.

“Jason, Jason it’s okay! I heard you screaming about Sam. Is she okay?” Carly comes rushing in questioning. She has never seen Jason like this. He’s pale and disorientates, seeing Jason like this make Carly realize she made the right choice in forcing Jason to stay at the mansion, he needs to be with family right now. And, while she considers them to be family, she doesn’t get why Jason is back at the mansion. The last time Carly saw Jason he was off to find and claim his family. Carly knows Jason enough to know that Jason wouldn’t come home to sleep if Sam and Danny were out there in trouble. Jason wouldn’t rest until he was with them.

“Yes, I mean no. I don’t know honestly.” Jason takes in the physical effect of the dream he just had. He gets out the bed and moves towards the closest, pulls a shirt over his sweaty body and steps towards the open window. Jason blocks out Carly noise and gazes out the window. He thinks over everything that has happened in the last two days. He thinks about all the ways he failed Sam and Danny. He thinks about his final moments with Sam, he feels her wailing through the door. Jason closes his eye and tries to understand what life is supposed to be now.  Nothing makes sense, and this makes Jason’s head pound. Nothing feels right, and Jason can’t trust his instinct. Zoned out Jason’s whole body clinches up.

“They have a baby girl?” Jason asks out of nowhere. Out of everything that has emerged in the last two days, the one thing that sticks out to Jason the most is Sam’s baby girl. The news of Sam’s baby girl brings joy and pain to Jason. The thoughts of Scout make Jason’s heart race and his throat tighten. He knows what she means to Sam. He feels what she was supposed to mean to them both. He knows Sam has always wanted a baby girl since losing Lila. He knows she has always wanted a baby girl with Jason since baby Lila. He wonders how she felt thinking she was getting her greatest wish. He thinks about how she may feel now, knowing Jason didn’t father Scout. These thoughts break Jason to his core.

“Yes, Emily Scout!” Carly chokes back tears. She looks over at Jason and witnesses him in a moment. She witnesses him take it all in again, she observes him fight back the tears. She witnesses Jason’s grief firsthand. Carly gets up and moves towards Jason trying to pull him into an embrace, but before she can, Jason sidesteps her and starts pacing the room. Jason grief compounds the whole place, suffocating Carly in the moment. Carly can’t bare it and starts grilling Jason for information again.

“Jas, what is going on? What happened last night?” Carly whispers. Carly can see what Baby Scout is doing to Jason, and it cripples her. Carly can’t handle seeing Jason in this much pain. She tries to get Jason back focused on the important stuff.

“Jason, did you hear me? Jason, are you listening? Jason!” Carly screams, knocking Jason out of his mind and back to reality. Everything happening to Jason is scaring Carly. Jason is usually in control, and she can tell that he is silently suffering. She can see he is spiraling out. His body is tense, and every time she talks to him, he seems miles and miles away.

“Yes, Carly I’m here!” Jason answers without breaking his gaze on the sky. Jason, in fact, was not mentally there. Jason was thinking of Sam. Jason is always thinking of Sam.

“Are you sure? Did you hear anything I just said?” Carly demands. Carly doesn’t like being ignored. And she knows Jason is not listening to her. Jason is suffering, and it is clear as the sky is blue. She doesn’t like to see Jason suffer. Carly is tortured seeing Jason like this. She is tortured not knowing how to help him. She is tortured because she blames herself.

“Carly, stop. I have a lot going on.” Jason snaps back. Jason intent wasn’t to snap at Carly, but the pressure is too much. Everything is too much, and Jason just needs peace. He needs quiet. He needs time to process the last 48 hours and alone time is the only thing that will give Jason this.

Carly pushes herself off Jason bed and heads for the door. She doesn’t want to overwhelm Jason. She doesn’t want to drive Jason into isolation.

“No, Carly wait!” Jason states while running to stop her before she passes through the threshold.

“I’m sorry, what were you saying?” Jason ushers Carly back into the room and towards the bed.

Carly pouts a little before allowing Jason to lead her back towards the bed. Carly plops down on the bed and gives Jason that looks.

“I’m worried about you Jason. You don’t have nightmares. And, why are you here and not with Sam? Did you find her? Why are you sleeping with your gun? Jason, what is going on?” Carly worries.  Carly is terrified. She stares at the gun sitting on the nightstand. She stares back at Jason. Carly doesn’t want to push Jason, but she doesn’t want Jason to be here either. Carly knows Jason and Sam belong together. Carly feels Jason should be with Sam and Danny. He should be enjoying family time with them. Carly knows something is wrong. She knows Jason is fighting an internal battle. It kills her not knowing how to help.

Jason doesn’t answer. Jason has fixed his eyes on a spot on the wall and zones out. Jason doesn’t know how to respond to Carly’s questions. He has the same questions but no answers. Jason has been playing these question on a loop in his head. Why isn’t he with Sam. Why isn’t he home? Why did Sam push him away? Why can’t he just be Jason?

“Jason, snap out of it. Tell me what happened. Why are you sleeping with your gun? Did you find Sam and Danny?” Carly demands. She is over being patient. She wants answers. Carly stands up, position herself right in front of Jason. She grabs his face and looks deep into his eyes. There she sees what Jason is trying to hide. Carly drops her hands and steps back. The fear she witnessed in Jason, sends shivers down her spine.

“Is everything okay, Jas!” Carly’s screams knock Jason out of his latest daydream. He takes Carly in. He takes in her reaction to him. He takes in her fear. He takes in her panic. He draws it all in with a deep breathe. He draws it all in and prepares himself to comfort Carly.

“Yes, Carly!” Jason mumbles as he stands up to be level with Carly. “They’re at the PH. Sam wanted to stay there.” Jason grasp. Just uttering those words make Jason feel fragile. He grabs Carly to balance himself but plays it off like he was pulling her into an embrace. He doesn’t want Carly to worry about him more then she already does.  He doesn’t want anyone to worry or fuss over him. Jason has never wanted to feel like a burden on anyone.

Carly pulls herself out of the embrace and examines Jason mannerisms. She knows what Jason is trying to do. She won’t be deterred that easily.

“Wait, what happened? Why aren’t you with them?” Carly challenged. Carly takes control and tries to guided Jason back towards the bed, the problem is Jason isn’t going. Jason pulls away and walks towards the window. Jason doesn’t want to be managed by Carly right now. Jason doesn’t want to talk about Sam right now. Jason just wants to be alone.

“I don’t know Carly. I don’t know what’s happening, but something is not right.” Jason declares. Jason stumbles back when he uttered the words. Jason hates when nothing in his life makes sense. It makes him feel unbalanced. It makes him feel like he is falling and there is nothing he can do about it. This feeling makes Jason skin crawl. This feeling makes Jason feel like someone is in control of him.

“Well, why are you sleeping with your gun? Something happened, Jason. What is it?” Carly asks. Carly knows something else happened. She knows something spooked Jason last night. Jason doesn’t sleep with his gun unless something extremely dangerous was transpiring. Carly doesn’t know what is happening with the two Jason problem, but she can sense the danger coming.

“Someone shot at me!” Jason states while moving back towards to Carly. He knows she will freak out by the statement. Carly is tough, but she crumbles knowing Jason could get hurt. Jason sits next to her and pulls her into another embrace. Jason doesn’t want to be doing this, but this is easier than dealing with a riled-up Carly.

“What, are you okay?” Carly panics while fighting herself out of Jason an embrace. Carly freaks out and begins searching Jason body for wounds.

“Did you get hit? Who would shoot at you?” Carly grumbles looking over every piece of his body.

“Carly stop, I’m okay. I wasn’t hurt.” This is exactly what Jason was trying to avoid. Carly spiraling out of fear is more than Jason can handle right now. Jason has put Carly first in the past, but right now he needs to put his family first. And his family is Sam and Danny.

“Who shot at you?” Carly demands. Carly composes herself and demands reals answers from Jason. Carly figures if Jason is in danger, then Sonny is in danger. And, if they are in danger, her whole family is in danger. Carly is not the type of person to sit aside and do nothing when the ones she loves is in danger. And, this fire in her is what scares Jason most. Carly’s schemes never help the situation, they only ever hurt them.

“I don’t know, but I found where the shooter was standing. Whoever it was left this behind.” Jason states while pulling a button out of his nightstand. Jason plays with the button in his hand before handing it off to Carly to examine.

“It looks luxurious.” Carly states while looking the button over. Carly doesn’t care about the button. She only cares that Jason is okay. And, what Jason is going to do about it. Jason will not sit by and do nothing knowing someone is trying to kill him. Carly knows this.

“Do you think it was the guys who tried to take Sam?” Carly wants to get as much information out of Jason before he completely shuts down. She knows its coming, but she hopes Jason will let her in. She hopes Jason will ask for help instead of going at it alone.

“I don’t know, Carly! I just don’t know.” Jason growls. Jason has had it with all the question from Carly. He wants out of this house. He wants away from Carly. He wants time to make everything make sense again. Jason gears himself up for a battle with Carly, but before he can his cell phone rings. Jason picks the phone up and is happy to speak with the person on the other end. He is satisfied that he doesn’t have to answer to Carly anymore.

Jason takes the call, while Carly heads out the room. Carly could tell Jason was shutting down. And she was okay with that. Carly had her own mission to get to. Carly had her own battles she had to gear up for.


Knock Knock Knock.

Jason waits patiently wait for someone to open the door to him. The door opens, and Jason turns to find Michael.

“Mi Michael. I didn’t know you would be here.” Jason stutters as a hot flash rises to his cheeks. Jason hasn’t seen Michael since his return. Michael had been at the top of Jason must-see list since coming home, but Jason didn’t want to push himself on anyone in his life. Especially Michael. Jason knew Michael would come find him when he was ready. Looking at the man, Michael has become in his absence, takes Jason breathe away. Jason just stares in disbelief. He wants to reach out and grab Michael, he wants to hold him and tell him how proud he is of him. But, he doesn’t. He stands frozen, unsure of himself. This makes Jason shake his hands out, and he balls them into a fist.

Michael doesn’t speak. He doesn’t move, he just examines the man before him. Tears wail up in Michael’s eyes, and he goes weak. Michael falls into Jason’s arms and just cries. All it took was one look in Jason’s eyes, and Michael knew. Michael weeps into the first father he has ever had, arms. Michael feels a sense of home and acceptance he hasn’t felt for years. Michael like everyone else didn’t realize how much they missed the real Jason until they were wrapped in his love. And, Michael was being drowned in it. Jason didn’t know what to expect when coming face to face with Michael. He knew like everyone else Michael had believed the other guy, but what he got from Michael was the best homecoming thus far.

Jason and Michael stay wrapped in each other love for quite some time. Michael trying to find his words and Jason trying to live in the love. Michael’s body stutters under the overwhelming weight of his emotions. Michael weeps so hard his uncontrollable body shakes, but Jason is there to hold him steady.

“Jason.” Michael crumbles. Michael has so much to say, so much he wants to express to Jason, but Jason names is all that can escape his lungs. Michael remembers all the times he has been right there in Jason’s arms, in Jason’s love. Michael squeezes Jason with all his might. Michael is at home in Jason’s arms.

“Let me see you.” Jason pushing Michael away, and wipe away tears from both Michael and his face. Both men are overwhelmed, but Jason is overjoyed also. Michael has had many men claim to be his father, but in Jason’s mind, he will always be Michael true father. A sentiment Michael also carries.

“Oh man, look at you.” Jason pushes Michael back a little to really take him in. Jason looks him up and down, squeezes his arms, rubs his head and really looks him in the eyes. Jason is in utter awe of Michael. Jason lowers his head, takes a step back and fights the flow of tears fighting their way to the surface. He knows nothing of Michael’s life now, yet he is still beaming with pride for the man he has become.

“Look at you, you’re here. I’ve missed you so much. I’m so sorry for bel-.”Michael chokes.

“Don’t. You don’t have to talk about that. Or apologize. Ok, Buddy! Come here.” Jason pulls Michael back into another embrace. Jason could see Michael was struggling and it hurt Jason more to see Michael like this than hear about him believing the other guy was him. Jason didn’t need clarification from Michael. Michael recognition and love were enough for Jason.

“You, knowing it’s me, is enough. We don’t have to talk about the other stuff.” Jason adds more pressure to his hug.

“I should have come seen you sooner but,”

Jason cuts Michael off again.

“You would have come when you were ready, it okay.” Jason soothes. Jason didn’t want Michael to feel burdened because of him. Jason didn’t want anyone in his life to feel like they had to placate him. That was the last thing Jason wanted. They believed the other guy, and there is nothing Jason can do about that now but move forward.

Jason and Michael separate and just stare in silence for a moment.

“So, I take it you didn’t come here to see me? You must be here for Danny.”  Michael knows Jason statement was true. Michael knows Jason would never push himself on Michael. So, Michael assumes Jason is here to see his son. To Michael, this is the logical explanation for Jason presence at the mansion. Jason wasn’t big on the Quartermaine family.

“Um, no I wasn’t. Monica called me over. Danny is here?” Jason shoves his hands in his pockets and waits for Michael to invite him in. Jason was nervous to see Monica, but he is now overcome with a million emotions at the thought of seeing Danny. When Jason first saw Danny, he didn’t know for certain he was his son. Now that Jason knows, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know if he should go in and talk or run until Sam introduces appropriately introduces them.

“Come on.” Michael guides Jason into the mansion and out to the promenade where Danny is playing with Annabelle The Second. Michael could tell that Jason was unsure of what he should do when it came to Danny. Michael witnessed firsthand what Sam and Jason went through over Danny, so he knows what Danny means to him. He knows how precious Danny is.

Before they reach Danny, Michael whispers to Jason.

“Does he know?”

Jason doesn’t respond. He gives Michael a look that makes Michael understand everything.

“Hey Danny, I want you to meet someone. “Michael crouches down to become level with Danny.

“This is my-“ Michael is interrupted.

Hey, your mommy’s friend!” Danny throws the ball to Annabelle The Second. Danny is so caught up in Annabelle he doesn’t notice the look of deep love and pain on Jason’s face or the tears that swell in Jason’s eyes. And for this Jason is grateful.

“You know my cousin Michael too?” Danny finally turns his attention to Michael and Jason.

“Yea. This is Jas… He’s my uncle.” Michael quivers. Jason look told Michael that Danny did not know that he was his father, but Michael was unsure of exactly what Danny knew about Jason or the situation. Michael stands straight up and looks to Jason for guidance.

Both men are stuck on how to proceed with Danny. They don’t know what to say, they don’t want to upset Danny or say something Sam isn’t ready for him to hear. Lucky for them Danny is a natural leader.

“Is he my uncle too?” Danny jumps up and down as Annabelle comes running back with the ball.

Jason and Michael both shuffle back and forth, both unsure of themselves. Jason attempts to muster the strength to lie to Danny, but before he can, Danny has another question for him.

“Do you want to play catch with me and Annabelle? Danny hands Jason the ball. Jason draws in a deep breathe and beams his whole heart at Danny. Jason is grateful Danny moved on from his original question. He didn’t know if he could bare to lie to his son about being his not being his father.

“I would love that!” Jason shakenly takes the ball from Danny and throws it. Danny watches Annabelle take off. Jason watches Danny.

“I want a turn throwing the ball.” Michael jogs to be closer to Danny. Annabelle comes running back with the ball in mouth and drops it before a laughing Danny and Michael. Michael picks up the ball, and fake throws it, causing Annabelle to run off for no reason, resulting in Danny laughing hysterically.

Once Michael finally throws the ball, Danny is laughing so hard it cause Michael to fill with laughter. Both boys keeled over with laughter.

Jason takes in the best scene of his life. Two of his sons together, happy and safe. Jason steps back and marvels at his boys. The boy he raised into the man he sees before him and the boy he never to got know but prays will get to see grow. Jason can’t stand being on the sidelines anymore, he rushes over to spend as much time with Danny as he can. Jason just wished Danny knew him. He wished that Danny knew he was playing with his Dad.

“She knows a lot of tricks. We can show you.” Danny jumps up and down with glee when Jason joins them.

Jason plays with Danny and Annabelle forgetting about his real reason for being there. Monica. Danny shows Jason and Michael all Annabelle’s trick before Danny is called in for lunch by Alice.

“Bye Michael, Bye Michael’s uncle.” Danny walks by giving both Jason and Michael a high five before bolting for the kitchen.

“How amazing was that?” Michael asks while he and Jason watch Danny and Annabelle run into the Mansion. Michael could see the pain behind Jason love for Danny. He feels the effect, Danny, calling him Michael’s uncle had on Jason. Michael wanted Jason to focus on the positive. Michael wanted Jason to focus on the time shared.

“Yea, it was something.” Jason wipes tears away. Playing with Danny was bittersweet. Jason loved spending time with Danny, but it pained him to know that Danny saw him as a stranger. Jason’s heart broke into millions of tiny pieces watching Danny go. Jason wanted to hear him say bye dad, not Michael’s uncle.

Jason stares at the last spot he saw Danny. He becomes so fixated on it, he doesn’t hear Michael.

“Hey, Jason, should we go find Monica now? Michael senses Jason feelings of loss and despair.

“Um no, I have to get out of here. I’m sorry Michael. Tell Monica I’ll come back.” Jason bolts for the front door. Jason is taken back by Danny acceptance of him and the ease they both share. Jason wasn’t prepared for Michael and Danny. Jason becomes so overwhelmed with his emotion his head pounds. It pounds with confusion, regret, pain, and love. It beats him to no mercy. Jason has to get away. He has to get to a place that makes sense for him.

Jason runs past Monica, he’s in so much pain he doesn’t even see her.

“Was, that Jason.” Monica inquires.

Before Michael can answer, there is a knock at the door.




The door opens.

“May I come in?” Carly bushes past Sam and lets herself in. Carly doesn’t have time to play with Sam. Jason is hurting, and in Carly’s mind, only Sam can fix that. Sam needs Jason. Jason needs Sam. It’s that simple to Carly.

“I mean does it matter what I say.” Sam shuts the door and walks towards Carly, who has made herself comfortable on the couch. Sam knows precisely why Carly is there. Jason. No one fights for Jason like Carly, and no one thinks they know what is best for Jason better than Carly.

“Is he here?” Carly whispers and looks around for any signs of Drew. Carly doesn’t dislike Drew or wish him ill harm but what she has to say to Sam doesn’t need an audience. Carly is there to push all the bullshit aside and get to the truth with Sam.

“No, Carly. He’s not here. He went to go pick up the kids. I’m alone, and I would like to keep it that way.” Sam starts walking back towards the door. She hopes that Carly will take the hint and follow her.

Carly did no such thing.

“Good, cause we need to talk alone.” Carly pat the space next to her. Carly is chipper to be alone with Sam. This past 5 years without Jason allowed Sam and Carly to become friends. And, Carly planned to use this new found friendship to understand what is really going on with Sam and make her see the error of her ways.

“Carly, I know why you’re here, and I’m not discussing this with you.” Sam goes straight into defense mode. Sam knows Carly would never understand her choice even if she could explain it to her. Carly doesn’t know about true sacrifice. Carly only knows what make her happy. Carly is the last person Sam wants to discuss this with.

“Sam, Jason is back. Your husband is back, and you would rather share your bed with a stranger.” Carly snaps. Carly figures if Sam wants to go straight there, she’ll go straight there too.

“I didn’t share my bed with a stranger last night. I slept with my kids last night. Not that I owe you an explanation. Sam slumps into the chair. She doesn’t need Carly beating her down, she is already doing that herself.

“Sam. I’m sorry.” Carly backs down. She finally she Sam for what she is. Beaten down, fragile and tired.

“You don’t understand. No one understands.” Sam whimpers.

“You’re right I don’t!” Carly wants to understand, she is trying to be sensitives to what Sam is experiencing, but Sam is working her last nerve.

“How do you know he is Jason.” Sam chokes trying to get the words out, but she manages. Sam knows she made a mistake the moment Jason pushes past her lips.

Carly is filled with blind rage at the question. Carly cuts her eyes and lowers her tone.

“Our Jason is back. Not some knock off brand, but our loving, selfless, caring, fearless Jason. And you know it Sam. You have always known, just like the rest of us that the other guy wasn’t quite right. You’ve said it many times that this Jason was different. It was because it wasn’t him. Sam, you know. You knew it when you saw him. I know you did. We all did. So make me understand why you’re not with Jason right now.” Carly passions on. Carly has so much fire in her she is howling at Sam.

Carly waits for Sam to respond, but Sam has nothing. She can’t tell the truth, and she doesn’t have the strength in her to battle Carly with her lies.

“This other guy is not Jason…. You know this in your heart Sam. Listen to your soul.” Carly calms herself seeing a defeated Sam isn’t going to fight back. Carly steadies her shaken body and draws in a deep, steady long breath.

“Sam, talk to me. No matter how I feel, I’m here for you.” Carly lowers herself on the coffee table across from Sam and grabs her hand. Sam hasn’t had any human contact other than her kids since Jason. Sam doesn’t want to be touch, Carly finds out the hard way. Sam jumps up and circles in one place.

“I have to get out of here.” Sam takes off out the door. Sam was on the verge of crumbling. She had to get away. Carly was going to push her into submission.


Jason attempted to blur the sense back into his life on his bike. When that didn’t work, he heads for the cabin. Jason rode his bike for some hours before ending up at the cabin. By the time Jason reached the cabin, it was dark out, and the sky was filled with stars. Jason doesn’t enter the cabin. Jason takes a seat on the side of his bike and gazes at the stars.



Jason whips around gun out ready to shoot.

“Whoa, Jason it’s me.”


Jasam.. The True Story: Chapter Six

Sam’s questions bury Jason in confusion. He can fathom where this is coming from. He doesn’t understand why she chooses now to question him. Jason wonders if all of it was a lie. Meeting and finding out the truth about Danny, kissing Sam, hearing her call him Jason, the declarations of love. Was it all just a dream? Jason wonders if the deep urge for his family made his mind play tricks on him. He wonders if his heart’s true desire has taken over his rational thinking. He wonders if his heart is protecting his mind from the inevitable. Nothing has been right since he came home, nothing felt like home until Sam called him Jason.

“Was it all a dream?” Jason whispers as a tear slowly flows down his face. Nothing has felt right since waking up in the clinic. Jason thought if he made it home to his loved ones, everything would be made right. He was devastated to find the opposite upon his return. He has felt like the outsider in a life that belongs to him.  Nothing has felt like his, and he hasn’t been able to claim the parts of his life he truly wants. Sam and Danny. They are Jason’s home. Jason has been fighting for home, for that feeling of security that only Sam can give. Sam declaration of his identity gave Jason that feeling again. It was like a hard wave hitting the shores of Hawaii, the way her love beat him at that moment. Sam’s declaration gave Jason confidence he hasn’t felt since their wedding. He doesn’t know what his world will become if she takes it all away.

Jason stands frozen in time awaiting Sam’s response. He doesn’t move, he doesn’t breathe, he just waits. He waits for her to tell him it wasn’t a dream, and she believes and loves him; the one true Jason. He looks deep into her for these answers. He searches for her voice in all the silence. He seeks the fire in her soul. His pleading eyes are defying to Sam. The silence between them is daring to Sam.  She can’t hide her truths much longer. Jason’s piercing eyes give Sam the urge to cover herself. She feels exposed and vulnerable the deeper Jason looks into her. Sam screams in her head to look away. She knows the longer Jason looks, the more he will understand. Sam wants to speak, she wants to tell him another lie, but she can’t. Jason inquisitive eyes leave her paralyzed. Sam can’t move, she can’t speak, she can’t think. She stuck in the in-between with Jason. Jason is reading her soul, and she doesn’t want him to stop. She wants him to see the truth, she wants him to call her bluff and make her tell him the truth. She wants Jason to break through the lies and see, she desperately needs him. She wants him to see the ashes of her Phoenix desperately trying to be reborn.

“I love you, Sam.”

Jason’s words enter the atmosphere and Sam goes weak. She begins to stumble as each word enters her soul. The words penetrate her like daggers exposing everything she is trying to hide. Sam’s knees give way and she falls into Jason. He scoops her into his arms while never breaking eye contact. Jason didn’t need his eyes to know Sam needed him, her soul told him. Jason didn’t need his eyes to tell him Sam was crumbling. Jason could hear the cries of Sam’s soul. He could feel the battle she was fighting, he just didn’t know how to help her. Jason always trusted his connection with Sam, but after five years, after her questions, and after her coldness. Jason is unsure of what he should trust. Her heart and soul are telling him to save her, but her questions about his identity give him pause. Jason doesn’t trust himself enough to know exactly what Sam needs. Sam’s doubt causes uncontrollable doubt in Jason. Jason tries to fight through the doubt, he tries to listen to Sam’s soul but her question “Why should I believe you are the real Jason?” Echos in his head.  Jason hasn’t felt this connected but disconnected to Sam since she was pregnant with Danny. The pain of that experience is still fresh in Jason’s mind, and because of that, he is apprehensive about how he should proceed.  He doesn’t want to make the wrong step and push her away again. He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes as before, he doesn’t want to fail Sam when she needs him. He doesn’t know what to do, so he does what comes naturally to him, he pulls Sam in closer.  Jason and Sam stay wrapped together reading each other’s souls.  Jason and Sam remain wrapped together reconnecting as Phoenix and Dragon. Jason stays with Sam wrapped in his arms, waiting for her to lead them into what’s next.

Sam is in no rush to vacate Jason’s loving embrace. There in his arms, everything is simple, everything is calm, the battle within is at peace. The connection of their bodies sends chills through them both, starting in her and ending in him. Their hearts begin to beat the same tune again, and Jason starts to feel peace, and for just a second, he allows himself to relax. He gives into the embrace and tries to wrap Sam in every bit of love he has. And, just for a second, he allows himself to fall into her, but Jason is a practical thinking man, and he can’t ignore what she was just saying.  Her questions enter his mind, clouding the moment causing Jason to pull away, he doesn’t want to let go, he wants to pull her in even closer and never let go, but he doesn’t know if that’s what she wants. He doesn’t know anything, other than she is hurting, other than she needs him. He steadies her to her feet and tries to let go but he can’t. He allows his hand linger on her forearm, caressing her soft skin; warming her goosebumps. He slowly moves his hand from her arm, removing one finger at a time, but before his thumb has a chance to leave her body she grabs it. She wraps her hand around his thumb and whisper,

“Say it again.”

“I love you, Samantha Morgan.” Jason rejoices.

Jason words float in the air between them acting like a sledgehammer breaking down the wall Sam is trying to create. Sam doesn’t want the wall to crumble, but she doesn’t know how to stop. This I love you came from Jason’s soul. Sam could tell Jason was holding that back, she could tell he was unsure of the route he should take with her. Sam could tell that this I love you was Jason’s last hope. Sam could tell it was Jason everything. She couldn’t ignore that. She couldn’t ignore Jason’s love, not when it was wrapping her in armor she hasn’t worn in 5 years. Jason love was breaking down every defense she had. Sam knew fighting Jason’s love would be the hardest fight of her life. She knew it was an impossible fight, but she had to try. Everything she loved was at stake. Sam beings to unwrap her hand from around Jason’s thumb with the intent to break their connection, but instead, she ends up intertwining her fingers into his. Sam knows she needs to let go, but she can’t. She doesn’t know how. She never did. Sam had jumped down the Jason rabbit hole, and she can’t see the end. She didn’t want to see the end. She just wanted to keep falling. She just wanted to keep loving.

Jason and Sam float in silence, intertwined by mind, body, and soul. Sam is completely exposed, and in this vulnerability, she is ready to let Jason in. She is ready for her Dragon to protect her. She is prepared to expose Drew and all his secrets. Just as Sam finds the courage to speak; Jason finds the courage to do what his heart has been aching to do since Sam opened the door. Jason leans in, and Sam follows, Sam could feel what Jason’s heart wanted because her heart was aching for the same thing. They take their time, slowly inching towards each other. Sam grabs Jason face with an urgency in her soul. She slightly caresses his face while pulling him closer. Sam lightly brushes her lips against Jason, while Jason sucks her essence in. They both carve each other, and they both can’t stand being apart any longer. Jason cups the back of Sam’s neck and pulls her into him like his life depends on it, he takes one last look into her eyes before he moves in for the kiss. Their lip barely connects, when they hear Scout cry from the back. Scout’s cries knock Jason and Sam out. Scout’s cries ground Sam to her reality. Scout’s cries cause Sam to build her walls back up. Scout’s cries cause Sam to break all connection with Jason. She lets him go and takes a step back.

“Was that a baby?” Jason inquires. Jason knows he heard someone crying. He’s confident it was a baby. He isn’t sure how Danny cries, but he knows that was a baby and not Danny. Jason finally takes in his surrounds, and he notices the baby toys on the table, the playpen in the corner, and the stroller by the terrace doors. Sometimes it escapes Jason that Sam had a whole life in the five years he was missing. He never thought that life could include more children. The gravity of this thought, sends Jason’s mind spiraling. He begins to search Sam’s soul for answers when he noticed the wall is back. Jason is starting to understand Sam’s coldness, he is beginning to understand her questions, he is beginning to understand Sam’s life went on without him.

“Yes, my daughter with Jason.” Sam describes. Sam isn’t ashamed of her daughter. She loves Scout with everything in her, she just doesn’t love the fact she isn’t a true Morgan. Sam always wanted a family with Jason. Since becoming pregnant with Danny, Sam has dreamed of their family being completed with a baby girl. Sam thought when Scout was born she was the luckiest person in the world to get everything she ever dreamed of. She felt her world was whole and complete with the arrival of their baby girl. Scout was supposed to be Jason and Sam’s dream child, she was supposed to be their long-awaited baby girl, the baby girl they wanted since the beginning, the baby girl that made them possible. She was supposed to be a Morgan and the fact that she isn’t is a thought Sam couldn’t bear. The weight of this knowledge was too much for her. She didn’t want to utter the words. She didn’t want Jason to have to deal with the reality she couldn’t bear. She knew Jason would love Scout regardless who her father was, she just didn’t want him to have to.

“Her name is Emily Scout Morgan.” Sam stutters. A wave of emotions hit Jason when Sam’s utters her daughter’s name. Jason’s sister name. Jason is reminded of Sam’s dream of her family. He is reminded that Emily was always supposed to be their daughter’s name. Jason is lost at the revelation of Sam’s daughter, Emily. Jason is happy that Sam finally got everything she ever wanted. He is happy that she has the daughter that has eluded her since the beginning of their relationship. He is happy for her but devastated for them. Like Sam, the weight of the Scout knowledge is too much to bear. Jason doesn’t want to show the pain he is experiencing from this knowledge, but the gravity of it is so enormous he can’t hide it. Sam notices the shift in Jason and moves in to comfort him; before she can fulfill this action, Scout’s continues cries stop her. Scout’s whimpering seizes Sam in the moment. She stands frozen torn between Jason and Scout. Sam wants to reach out to Jason, she wants to make it better for him, she wants to, but she can’t. She fears that if she lets him back in, she’ll never let him go again.  Jason feels Sam’s hesitation and makes it easy for her. Jason takes a step back into the hall while mouthing to Sam…

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

Sam’s eyes swell with tears. She is overwhelmed at the magnitude of Jason’s love. In this moment she can’t imagine how she went 5 years without it. She can’t comprehend how she survived so long without being able to bath in it. It breaks her to do what she feels she must. It breaks her heart to reject everything she wants, but Jason’s love and reassurance make it easier. Jason’s love gives her the courage to do the impossible. Sam nods to Jason and mouths “Thank You” while shutting the door in his face. Sam lets out an earth-shattering wail once the door is completely closed. Her wail blast through the door knocking Jason off balance. He palms the door with both hands to steady himself and slowly lowers his head to rest on the door. Jason lingers for a while, palming the door, willing his love to Sam.

Shutting herself off from Jason love crushes Sam to the ground. She hugs the front door while sliding down until her body hits the floor. Her body goes limp, and she wails her lungs at the emptiness she feels. She wails at the coldness that enters her heart. She wails until no sounds will come out. Sam stares at nothing, lost in her thoughts. She is so lost in her thoughts of Jason, she doesn’t notice the Drew has re-entered the room and place Scout in the playpen. Drew slowly moves towards a comatose Sam.

“Hey, Sam! Babe are you okay?” Drew worries. Drew hadn’t seen Sam in a state like this since her mental breakdown a few months ago. Drew is worried that the return of Jason has pushed Sam to have a setback. Drew has gotten close enough to touch Sam, but he doesn’t. He waves his hand in her face, trying to get her attention. He whispers her name. He doesn’t want to startle her. He leans in closer, moving his hand towards her face; before he can contact Sam jumps up and screams

“Don’t you ever touch me.” Sam states. Sam brushes past Drew and heads straight for the playpen. She grabs Scout and heads for the stair. If Sam can’t be with Jason right now, she just wants to be alone with her children. Drew’s arrogance pulls her back to him and halts her movements before she can disappear into the upstairs.

“Don’t you forget I’m still your husband and the father of your kids. And you’re going to make sure everyone believes that, right?” Drew chuckles. Drew knows Sam is in pain. With Jason’s memories and Sam’s knowledge of their love, Drew fully understands what Sam is feeling. He knows she is breaking herself in two by pushing Jason away. He knows she could be forced into a setback. He just doesn’t care. A setback is precisely what Drew wants to happen.  Drew believes Sam mental break will give him the advantage he needs to beat Jason. Drew thinks that once the dust settles and Jason is gone for good, Sam will go back to being happy with him. Drew feels he needs to be the necessary evil to lead them back into their version of happiness. With time, Drew truly believes he can make Sam love him. He truly believes he can beat the power of Jason and Sam’s love.

Sam turns around and starts to make her way back down the stairs. She can feel the rage swirling inside her. She can feel everything she wants to say to Drew. The words are pounding her in her bones. Every inch of her is ready to snap, every inch of her is furious with a rage she hasn’t felt since hating Alexis for baby Lila and her brother Danny.   She reaches the bottom step when she stops herself. She shakes her head from side to side while turning herself away from Drew and begins the journey back up the stair. She realized Drew wasn’t worth any of her energy. She realizes all her energy will be needed to fight her love for Jason.

It took everything in Jason to break himself away from the Pent House door. He didn’t want to leave especially after hearing the wail that came from Sam. He didn’t want to go after coming so close to having it all back. He wanted to stay and continue searching her for the answers. He wanted to stay and be the family they both had dreamed of. He doesn’t know when he found the strength to walk away. He doesn’t know where his feet were leading him. He just knows his soul lead him to the only place that could soothe him. Jason doesn’t remember leaving the Pent House. He doesn’t even remember driving out of the city.  All he remembers is the wail Sam gave off when she closed the door. A wail that echoes in his ears. A wail that feels his soul with despair. A wail that drove him to the footbridge. Jason doesn’t know why his sub-conscious took him to the footbridge, but he is blessed to have ended up there. Jason is blessed that his beloved footbridge still stands. Jason is blessed to have a place to go to when life gets too much.

Jason moves slowly towards the footbridge. The views still captive him like he has never seen it before, he takes a moment to take it all in. He allows the views to wash over his senses, and for a second the wailing that lines his ears stop. He takes a deep trying to cleanse his soul of the negative thoughts, he tries to clear his mind of Sam’s pain. He can’t. The more he tries to push it all away, the more it pounds him into the ground.  There on the footbridge, Jason allows himself to succumb to his emotions. There on the footbridge, Jason allows himself to deal with everything he has been holding back, there is where he lets it all out. There Jason breaks down. He replays the last 48 hours in his head. He feels Sam’s despair surround him. He tries to focus on Sam’s love and Danny’s smile but he can’t. Sam’s despair is too powerful for him to concentrate on anything else.


Sam’s despair pounds Jason into the ground, his entire being goes weak, he grabs the railing as his body smashed to the ground.  Jason stays there letting the tears flow, allowing the emotions to consume him.  Alone Jason can finally deal with everything that has happened. He tries to work through everything, he tries to process what his life will be if Sam doesn’t want him. He tries to be okay with the rejection, he tries to be okay with all the unwanted changes that have been forced on his life. He tries to make peace with the decision of others.


Jason hops up and whips his gun out.

“Who is there?” Jason demands. Jason doesn’t have time for an ambush or other people’s problems. Jason wants to be alone, he has too much to work out to be bothered with anyone else. Momentarily Jason hoped it was Sam. He begins to search the woods for a sign of her. He hopes that she followed him out here, he hopes that she has come to declare her love again.


“Sam?” Jason asks. As Robin walks onto the footbridge.


“Robin.” Jason gasped. He can’t believe she is here. The last time Jason saw Robin was at her burial site. Jason spent years beating himself up over Robin’s death and found some relief when Sonny told him of her return, but nothing compared to what he is feeling now seeing her in person. Seeing Robin again is just as satisfying as seeing Sam for the first time again. Jason isn’t in love with Robin, but Robin will always hold a special place in Jason’s heart. A place no one can take from her. Jason wants to run to her, he wants to embrace her and tell her everything he tried to say to her the night after she died. He wants to tell her Thank You for his life, but he doesn’t. He can see the doubt in her eyes. He can see she is questioning if he is the one true Jason Morgan. Jason just stuffs his hands in his pockets and wait for Robin to tell him he is not Jason.

“Oh my god, Sonny said it was you.” Robin declares while walking towards Jason. Robin just knew she would be able to find Jason on the footbridge. Robin could only imagine the kind of turmoil Jason was experiencing. And, she knew that when thing didn’t look clear to Jason, he would go to the footbridge until it did. She knew he would be here, trying to find the light in all the darkness.

“He said you had your old face.” Robin exaggerated. Robin quickly closes her eyes and slowly opens them, blink a couple of time before tears swell her eyes.  Her jaw drops at the sight of Jason. Robin becomes enchanted by the presence of Jason. Like everyone else, Robin thought she would never see this face again. She thought she would never see those blue eyes looking back at her. And like everyone else Robin believed the other man was Jason. She believed wholeheartedly Drew was Jason, but looking at the real deal, she can admit she was wrong. Very, very wrong. Robin drops her bag and runs to Jason.

“Oh my god it you. It’s really you, Jason. I can’t believe it’s you. That you’re really here.” Robin cries as she enters Jason awaiting embrace.

“I can’t believe it you. This is the icing on the cake that I truly needed right now.” Jason professes while squeezing Robin tighter. Jason’s words take Robin back to a place she never thought she could go to again. Robin goes back to that night in Montego, she goes back to the night she first shared a kiss with Jason. Robin inhales Jason in and is hit with a wave of emotions as she remembers everything they’ve ever shared together. She remembers the love, the friendship, the trust. She recognizes Jason Morgan for who he truly is.

“You being here, is better than the best” Jason laughs while letting Robin go. Jason takes a step back and marvels at her being alive. It broke Jason to think he was the cause of Robin’s death. He never wanted her to sacrifice herself for him. Jason would never want someone he loves to suffer because for him.

“How is this possible? Who is that other man pretending to be you?” Robin wonders. Robin begins to run with all the possibilities. She thinks back to everything the other man has done since stepping down in Port Charles. She thinks about all the bad he did as Jake Doe and all the good he did as Jason Morgan. She can’t comprehend why something like this has happened. She can’t comprehend why someone would want to steal Jason’s life.

“I don’t know yet, but I’m going to find out. I have to, he has Sam and Danny.” Jason states while balling up his fist. Jason can’t stand the thought that Sam chooses to stay with that man. The idea causes rage to fill Jason.

“What do you mean he has Sam and Danny?” Robin inquires. She doesn’t understand what Jason could mean by such a statement. Robin couldn’t fathom Jason hanging out on the footbridge if Sam and Danny were in trouble.

“She believes him. Something is wrong, and she isn’t ready to tell me yet. I can feel it.” Jason explains. “Something is not right, and I just don’t know how bad it is yet. Something is telling me to trust Sam. I’m just going to trust Sam.” Jason professes while getting lost in the thought of Sam being trapped with Drew. Jason keeps telling himself that Sam is okay, that she knows what she is doing. Jason silently prays that his instinct are right. He silently prays that Sam does believe him.

Before Robin can respond her cell phone goes off. She walks back towards her bag.

“It Emma, I have to take this. We’ll catch up again soon.” Robin declares while walking towards the road. Before Robin completely disappears, she stops, turns and takes one last look at Jason. An infectious smile blankets her face. A childlike glee fills her heart. She gives a slight wave and disappears into the darkness.

Jason is thankful for the alone time again but would have loved to continue his conversation with Robin. Jason knows he could sit on that footbridge for hours talking to Robin. And, right now Jason feels like he needs a session with Robin. Jason is still trying to comprehend what happened in the time between him leaving the hospital and him showing up at the Pent House. He is still trying to comprehend if he understood Sam, he knows she needs him, but he’s pretty confident she wants him to wait. Jason decides he will wait for now, but he won’t wait forever.

Jason decides to shut his brain off for the moment and just enjoy the view. Jason stares out at Port Charles.



JaSam… The True Story: Chapter 5

Diane enters the PCPD.

“Let me guess, you’re here for the other Jason Morgan.” Jordan states. “He’s not going anywhere. He attacked a man in the middle of the hospital. I don’t care who he claims he is or why he did it.” Jordan can’t comprehend why all these people keep coming to this man defense. Jordan has seen the way they fight for Drew. She has seen the bond and love they have for him, so it baffles her that they all keep marching down here claiming this other man is the real Jason Morgan. Jordan never knew the real Jason Morgan, so she could never understand why it only takes one look for them. One conversation to know what’s real and what’s not.  She knows Drew, but she can recognize the fight when she sees it. And she has never seen Sonny, Carly or Diane fight like this.

“Do you really believe he is Jason Morgan.” A curious Jordan whispers. Jordan has heard the stories about how Jason Morgan was before 2012. She has read the case files. She knows what Jason is capable of. She knows what he has been accused of. And with all this knowledge she could even tell Drew wasn’t the same man from those files. The legend of Jason Morgan was on everyone lips in Port Charles, and to Jordan, Drew never quite lived up to that myth. Jordan is curious to see what all the hype is about.

“How about you take me to my client, so I can assess the situation!” Diane demands. She doesn’t want to sit around with Jordan discussing if this man is the real Jason or not. Diane knows Jordan couldn’t give her any insight into whether this was Jason or not.  She wants to see the man for herself. She wants to know if this is really Jason Morgan.  She missed him the last time he was here, she won’t let that happen again. The curious lawyer in her wants to know what is fact and what is fiction. Diane knows she needs to see this man face to face and she’ll know. Diane can’t trust the judgment of others. In her mind, they already got it wrong with Drew.


Diane slowly walks into the holding cell, with Jordan trailing behind her. Diane can’t believe her eyes. One look and she was sold. In her mind it was Jason. There was no denying it. The Jason Morgan she had always known was standing before her in a jail cell like no time had passed. Like 5 years hadn’t happened. Jason stood before both women silent and strong. No words were needed between Jason and Diane, like everyone else who honestly knew Jason; she spoke his language.

“Do you need anything else, Diane?” Jordan asks while escorting Dr. Klein out of his holding cell. Jordan didn’t need Diane to answer her Jason question. Jordan could see the connection between Diane and Jason. She saw Diane believed the minute she laid eyes on him. Diane has the same look in her eyes, Carly did. The same look some of her officers have had. They all recognize this man for who he claimed to be. They all recognize him as Jason Morgan. Jordan can also recognize that their acknowledgment of this man goes beyond his looks, it a deeper connection. She can see their souls connecting with his. She can see something profound happening.  She can see the difference in the relationship they have with this man and the one they have for Drew. She can see there is no comparison between to the two.

“Just a moment with my client.” Diane requests. Diane forgot anyone else was in the room with her. Once she saw him, she became lost in him. Once she laid eyes on Jason, all her doubt was pushed aside. The man standing before her was without a doubt, Jason. His silence told her everything she needed to know. His silences confirmed all the suspicion she ever felt for Drew. His silences made everything make sense again. His silence made him Jason. Diane waited until she and Jason were alone before she broke the silence and greeted her old friend.


“Well, hello old friend. I’ll be damned. Sonny was actually right for once.” Diane exclaims while walking closer to get a better look. Diane didn’t know what to expect when she walked into that room. She never thought she would see him again. She didn’t believe Sonny when he said it was Jason. She didn’t believe Sonny when he said he had his old face. How could she? They had already claimed Jason was back. They had already explained his missing face. She heard Sonny’s words, she saw Sonny’s emotion, but she couldn’t believe Sonny. Not again, in her mind, they had already gotten it wrong. In her mind, the real Jason was gone and never coming back. She believed Sonny believed this man was Jason, but looking him in his eye, she knew. She knew what Sonny had been trying to tell her. Jason Morgan was indeed back.

“You don’t think I’m a fraud?” Jason asks with a smirk in his eyes. The feeling of being recognized by the people that know him best will never get old to Jason. Being questioned is a new and weird experience for Jason. One thing Jason could always count on was people trusting him, people always counting on him. So, to come home to another Jason has been a blow. To return home to doubt has been hard. When he was fighting to get home, he never thought he would have to fight for his identity once here; but people like Sonny, Carly and now Diane make the fight easier. Them giving him his identity back without him saying a word makes Jason question how they could give his life to a stranger so easily.

“You remember who I am right? The best damn lawyer in town. It’s my job to see the wrong within the so-called right. And that other you, was nothing but wrong.” Diane states proudly. Diane never truly believed Drew was Jason. She saw the differences the moment he was declared Jason, but she understood why he needed to be Jason. She realized why everyone needed a Jason in their lives, even if it wasn’t the real one. She couldn’t deny the need for Jason at that time. She couldn’t point out the wrong and take away the one thing that was holding everything together; but standing before real Jason Morgan, Diane can see all the wrong more clearly. She can see the whole picture now. She can see that she should have spoken up.

“Why didn’t anyone else see it? How could they believe he was me?” Jason pounders. Jason still can’t understand how they could all believe that was him. He tries his best to not make them feel guilty for their choice, but it hurts him profoundly. He listens to their words as to why. He understands their need for him, but he doesn’t understand how they thought Drew was him. Jason can’t see the resemblance. The few moments he has shared with Drew tells him they are nothing alike and the sense of danger he gets from him, makes Jason wonder what he did to fool his loved ones. Jason wonders was it really the need for him that made them believe he was Jason or was it something more. Was it something else Drew might have done to make sure he was Jason because he can’t understand how Drew got his friends and family to hand over everything Jason holds dear to him.

“It’s simple. You were everything to these people. They were truly lost without you. Carly and Sonny, it was a nightmare without your guidance. They needed you, they needed someone that was Jason Morgan. He had your DNA, your old face and after a while your memories. He won over Sam. That was enough for them, but not me.” Diane professes. Diane can see all the pain this is causing Jason. She can see what their belief in this man has done to him. She can see him trying to figure out their reasoning, trying to justify their choice. She can see him trying to make it better for everyone else. She can see the misery he is trying to hide.

“Why not you? Why didn’t you believe him, when so many did?” Jason asks. Jason really wants to know. He wants to know what she saw in Drew to cast doubt on him in her eyes. He trusts Diane’s judgment. She had been his lawyer for years, she has always done right by Jason. She has always given him the facts and the truth. Out of all the lawyers he has had, he trusted Diane the most. To Jason, Diane was the lawyer version of him. She was passionate, cutthroat, fearless, witty, smart, ruthless and the best at what she did. If anyone could help Jason see the wrong in Drew, it would be Diane. Jason knew Diane would be honest while everyone else would try to spare his feelings. Jason needed Diane’s honest opinion about Drew, more than anything.

“Like I said, there was a lot of wrong with his story. And, now that you’re back, those wrongs make total sense.” Diane explains. Diane could never pinpoint what was exactly wrong with Drew’s story, she just knew everything didn’t fit into the pretty little box that was being present to them as the new Jason. It always baffled her how everything didn’t add, but now she understands more than she ever did. She knows those wrongs are now made right by the presence of the real Jason.

“What was wrong with his story?” Jason wonders. Jason needed answers. He didn’t feel comfortable asking anyone else. All anyone could offer were apologizes for their mistake. Diane was the only one being honest with her feelings about Drew. She wasn’t saying sorry for believing it was him. She wasn’t making excuses, she was giving it to him straight, no matter how hard it might hurt to hear. His friends and families guilt over the mix-up made them untrustworthy when it came to Drew. In Jason’s mind, they had to have liked something about him to have believed him for, so long. In Jason’s mind Drew did something to make his loved one trust him and to Jason that can’t be trusted.

Before Diane can answer Jason question, her phone starts ringing. Diane reaches into her bag to retrieve the phone.

“It’s Carly, I’ll call her back!” Diane states while placing her phone back into her bag.

“No, answer it. Carly is with Sam. Hurry!” Jason advises. Jason is confident Carly is calling Diane to get an update on his situation, but Jason will use this opportunity to find out how Sam is doing. Jason doesn’t like that he doesn’t have contact with Sam, especially after hearing Diane’s thoughts on the situation. Jason isn’t sure who Drew is or if he’s innocent in all of this. The only thing he is sure of is danger lurks threating everything he loves.

“Yes, Carly? I just got –“ Diane is cut off. Diane falls silent and just listens. The worried look on Diane’s face makes Jason panic. Her eyes go dark by whatever Carly tells her. The phone call is quick, and Diane doesn’t say anything else. She hangs up and takes her time to bring her eyes and face level with Jason. She knows what she is about to tell him will make him silently rage. She knows Jason will not want to hear this news knowing he is trapped and can do nothing about it.

Diane’s hesitation makes Jason go numb. He braces himself for whatever Diane has to say.

“Sam left the hospital without telling anyone. She left the hospital with the other you. No one has seen them.” Diane recounts. Every word Diane put into the atmosphere is like a bullet into Jason’s heart. Jason can’t think what this might mean until he has all the fact.

“Call Sam. Call her right now.” Jason pleads. Jason closes his eyes and says a silent prayer. He prayers that his instincts aren’t correct. He prays that his wife is okay, he prays for her safety, happiest and health. He prays that everything he’s feeling is wrong. He prays to be wrong for once. He prays so hard to be wrong.

Diane puts the call on the loudspeaker, and they just listen in silences as the phone rings over and over again. They sit in silences until Sam’s voice comes through the phone. They sit in silences while the gravity that Sam could be missing set in. They sit in silence until the beep of Sam’s voicemail verifies their worst thoughts.

“Diane, you have to get me out of here. NOW! Sam is in trouble. I can feel it.” Jason growls while pulling against the bars with all his might. Jason just wants to ripe the bars apart and run straight to Sam. Jason knew something like this would happen, Jason knew he should have killed Drew the moment he saw him with Sam at the penthouse. Jason tries to focus his mind and think about the task at hand, instead of thinking about what could be happening to Sam, but he can’t. He can barely hold himself up at the news that Sam is missing.

“Jason, I don’t know how easy that will be. You beat Franco in front of witnesses.” Diane tries to explain. She knows Jason doesn’t want to hear what she can’t do. She knows Jason knows she is capable of making the impossible happen and she knows Jason needs the impossible done more than ever. Diane doesn’t waste any more time talking things over with Jason. She turns and heads for the main squad room leaving Jason alone with his thoughts.

Jason begins to pace the length of his jail cell. Back and forth he walks, thinking about all the diverse ways Sam could be in danger. Thinking about how his actions lead her to be vulnerable to the real threat. Thinking about how naïve he was, to what truly matters. Jason just walks back and forth, back and forth. He fears if he stops moving the weight of situation will crush him to the point of no return. He fears if he stops moving, Sam will stop living. After what seems like an eternity, Diane returns with good news.

“You should try to smile when I come in the room.” Diane professes. Diane thinks Jason should be happy whenever she walks into a room. She is either walking into the room to save him, or she is walking in to tell him he’s saved. Either way, he should be happy with a smile on his face, not moody with a scowled look; but she knows Jason is Jason.

“Just spit it out, Diane!” Jason demands. He doesn’t have time for Diane’s antics. This isn’t time for one of her witty comebacks, and the only reason Jason is tolerating the annoying banters is that he knows she would only do it if she were bringing good news.

“Now, now. I only say you should smile when I come into a room because I have always done the impossible for you. And, five years hasn’t changed that.” Diane states with a sly, self-pleasing smile on her face. Diane knew she was the best, but sometimes she even amazed herself with what she was able to accomplish. Jason was the one client Diane wanted to do the impossible for, she didn’t know why; she just knew he deserved it.

“I got you out on bail. Carly is upstairs paying it now. They should be down soon to process you out. Oh and, you can grant me that smile now. Diane giggled. She knew Jason was in a stressful situation, but she couldn’t hide the excitement she had because of his return. Jason Morgan is her best client and him returning let her know he has always been her favorite client. Diane didn’t realize she missed the real Jason Morgan until she was marveling at his silent strength. She forgot how easy the real Jason was, how compliant and straightforward he was. She forgot what it meant to defend the real Jason until he made it so simple for her. She forgot how good Jason made her look.

“I see five years has only made you better.” Jason smiles. He never doubted Diane would get him out of this. In all the years Diane has been defending him, Jason has never questioned her ability to get the job done.  No lawyer has ever fought for Jason like Diane has and no lawyer has made the impossible happen like Diane has. Diane and Jason are a threat the justice system can’t handle. Many have tried to take them down, and many have failed.

“Did you think anything less would happen in five years?” Diane asks. Before Diane can get an answer, an officer interrupts them.

“Time to go Morgan. Hands through the bars.” The officer demands. The officer grabs Jason hands roughly and harshly places the handcuffs on him. The officer isn’t happy that Jason is being released. He was at the hospital. He saw what Jason did to Franco, and he thinks Jason deserves to be locked up. Once the officer gets the Jason out of the cell, he pulls him close to him and whispers.

“I don’t know what your lawyer did to get you out of here, but I saw what you did. And, I’m going to make sure justice is served. I heard about you and if you are the real Jason Morgan, just know your free ride at the PCPD is over.” Jason isn’t fazed by the officer, all Jason cares about is getting out of the PCPD and finding Sam. Sam and Danny are his first, and only priority and nothing is going to stop him from getting to them. Nothing.

Carly is waiting in the main squad room. The moment she sees Jason, she runs to him and gives him a big hug.

“Ok, Carly. I need you to tell me everything starting at when you arrived at the hospital.” Jason states while pushing Carly off of him.

“There is nothing to tell. I got there, went straight to Sam’s room and she wasn’t there. I noticed all her stuff was gone, so I thought maybe they moved her to another room. Then I went to the nurse’s station to ask Epiphany where Sam was, and she panicked when I told her Sam was gone. Then we went to find Danny in the playroom and they said that his parents took him.” Carly explains. Carly deliberately didn’t mention Danny when she initially called. Carly knew Jason was still locked up and could stay that way for a while, and she knew if Jason knew Danny was missing also he would do anything to get to them both. She knew Jason would think Sam could handle herself until he could make it to her, but Danny is another story. Danny is a child; Jason child and Jason wouldn’t be able to just sit and wait knowing a child let alone his own child was in danger. She knew Jason would risk it all to get to Danny.

“Danny, he has Danny too?” Jason asks. Hearing that Danny was taken out of the hospital makes Jason weak. The PCPD falls away, and he’s back in the hospital room touching Danny for the first time in five years. Jason hopes that’s not the last time he sees his son again.  His mind begins to race with different scenarios. His heart beings to beat with different emotions causing Jason to go into shut down mode. Jason mind goes into Stone Cold mode and his on a mission to get his family back.

“You know Sam hates hospitals, just like you. Maybe she just had that guy take her home.” Carly reassures. Carly can see Jason’s mind has gone to the worst case scenarios. She can see he is envisioning the worst possible outcome. Never seeing them again. It breaks her heart to see him living his worst nightmare. It breaks her heart to see the damage she has caused.

“No, Sam wouldn’t have left the hospital with him without telling anyone. I just know she wouldn’t have. Something is not right.” Jason protest. Jason knows all too well how much Sam hates the hospital, but he also knows she didn’t feel safe with Drew anymore, and he knows Sam. He knows Sam would have come straight to the police station to see him.

“I don’t know if you forgot, but Sam sneaks out of the hospital all the time, something I believe she learned from you.” Carly points out. Carly can sense something is off about the whole situation, but she doesn’t detect the danger. She truly believes Sam just snuck out of the hospital and Drew just tagged along. She still sees the good in Drew. They all still see the good in Drew.

“Carly, stop! I know Sam, and I know something is wrong. Give me your cell phone.” Jason barks. Jason doesn’t mean to be angry at Carly, but the stakes have been raised now that Danny has been thrown into the mix. He knows Sam is going to play it safe if Danny is there, but he also knows she will do whatever it takes to keep him safe and that is what scares Jason most. He knows Sam would sacrifice her life for Danny.

Carly pulls her phone out and dials Sam’s number, with every ring that passes without an answer, Jason’s soul crumbles into the reality that his actions put them in harm’s way. He knew Drew was a threat. He knew once he revealed himself, that this man would try something, and he still allowed himself to get side track. He mental beats himself for letting Franco get the best of him again. He should have listened to Sam when she said he wasn’t worth it, he should have stayed with her instead of trying to settle a score.

“I have to go find them!” Jason states while bolting for the door. Jason knows exactly where he’s going to start his search for his family. The penthouse. He knows wherever Drew might have taken them, they had to start at the Pent House.

We cut to the Penthouse.

“Why did you make us leave the hospital?” Sam inquires. She didn’t want to leave the hospital, she knew Jason would be back for her, and she wanted to be waiting where he left her; but after the pictures she saw and the phone conversation she had, she knew she had to do what Drew wanted. She knew her entire family would be in danger if she didn’t, she knew her miracle could be taken away from her if she didn’t.

“You know why. Scout needs her family.” Drew claims while picking Scout up from her playpen. Drew made Sam and Danny leave the hospital because he knows he can control access to Sam better within the penthouse. In the penthouse, no will can kick him out, in the penthouse his in charge of who gets to see Sam and who doesn’t, in the penthouse he can better control Sam. Drew’s primary focus is getting control of Sam. She is the one that will convince everyone he is Jason.

“Give me my daughter!” Sam demands. The last thing Sam wants is this man holding her child. She feels after what he has done he has no right to touch her kids. He shouldn’t even be in the same room as her children. Sam finds a little peace in knowing Danny isn’t in the room to see the disgust she has for this man. Sam can’t stand the smug look on Drew’s and to make things worst he’s kissing her daughter with that look on his face.

“Don’t you ever forget, she’s my daughter too.” Drew declares. Everything else might be Jason, but Drew will never allow anyone to take his daughter away. He hopes in time Sam sees everything he is doing is for their daughter. In Drew’s mind, he is doing all of this for his family with Sam. He’s doing all this to hold on to the little piece of happiness he found with Sam. Drew doesn’t want to be the bad guy. He doesn’t want things to be this way. If he had it his way, things would go back to the way they were just yesterday, before Jason showed back up. Sam was happy. She was pleased with life.

“Unfortunately, yes, but not Danny, never Danny!” Sam maintains. Until Drew reminded her, Sam forgot Scout was the fake Jason’s and not the real one. Drew declaration for his daughter shatters Sam’s heart. The last things she wants is to be tied to this man in anyway. The only thing she ever wanted was a baby girl with Jason Morgan. The fact that Scout isn’t Jason’s makes Sam feel a burning in the pit of her gut that makes her want to vomit everywhere. She doesn’t know how she will tell Jason their long-awaited baby girl isn’t his. She doesn’t know how he’ll handle it when she can’t handle it herself.

Sam starts to move towards Drew in attempt to retrieve Scout from his arms before she makes it to him someone knocks on the door.


“Sam, are you in there?” Jason screams. Jason is desperate to find Sam and Danny. He doesn’t know how long he can wait outside the door before he just breaks it down. He’ll do whatever it takes to ensure Sam and Danny’s safety.

Sam looks at the door and then back to Drew and Scout. She wants to scream to Jason for help. She wants him to break down the door and save her. She wants him to break down the door and end the five-year nightmare they have all been living. She wants it so bad, but she knows she can’t have it. Looking at Scout in Drew’s arms reminds her what she is doing and why she must do it this way.  Drew has Scout and Sam doesn’t know what Drew might do, but she does know Jason wouldn’t want her to put her daughter in danger for him.

“Get rid of him.” Drew states while walking towards the kitchen. Drew didn’t anticipate Jason getting out of jail so soon. He thought he would have more time to work on Sam before Jason came barking around again. Drew knew Jason was good, but he felt he was better. Jason defiance of this logic angers Drew to no end.

Sam walks over to the door. She stops before answering the door. She looks back to find Drew and Scout gone. She takes another moment to ground herself and prepare for what was to come. She slowly opens the door to greet a panicked Jason.

“Oh my god, I was so scared.” Jason expressed while pulling Sam into a hug. Relief rains all over Jason’s mind and heart. Both have been in turmoil since finding out Sam and Danny were missing. Jason happiness is quickly crushed by Sam’s’ cold mood. He can feel something is not right with her. She isn’t embracing him back, she’s just standing there stiff as a board. Jason releases her and tries to search for her in her eyes. He has no luck, Sam avoids his eye contact. She knows she won’t be able to accomplish her task with his baby blues staring back at her seeking the truth in her tale of lies.

“Why did you come here?” Sam asks coldly. Everything in Sam is breaking. All she wants to do is reach out and touch Jason, but instead, she has to push him away. She has to break his heart in order to save it. Sam could live without Jason in her life if she knew he was out in the world alive. She could live this lie if it meant Jason would be safe and alive.

“Sam, what’s wrong? Why did you leave the hospital? Why weren’t you answering your phone? Sam, just tell me. Whatever it is we can work it out together.” Jason defends. He can feel the disconnect between him and Sam; and he doesn’t understand what happened in the few hours from her saying I love you, till now.

Sam doesn’t respond. She can’t, what she wants to say her mind won’t let her and what she has to say her heart won’t let her. Sam just stares at the ground while having an internal battle with herself. She battles with what she now knows to be true, that Jason will always protect her and that Jason isn’t invincible. She battles with her love for Jason and her love for her children. For now one had to outweigh the other.

Jason reaches out to Sam but stops himself. He can feel the shift in Sam’s heart. He can feel her heartbeat piercing through the space in-between them. He can feel that her heart no longer beats with his. Jason balls his fist and places it at his side. He steps back and fully takes Sam in. He sees the wall she has created between them.

“Sam, look at me.” Jason requests. He can’t be sure of what he feels until he looks into Sam’s eyes. Sam’s eyes will not lie. Sam’s eyes will tell Jason everything he needs to know. Sam’s eyes hold the truth. Her eyes hold Jason’s past, his present and his future. Her eyes are all he wants.

Sam hesitates, she is struggling with what to do. She yearns for Jason, and to be this close to him and not reveal her heart is tearing her up from the inside out. Everything she is doing feels unnatural to her. It makes her feel like she is betraying everything her and Jason had.

“Sam.?” Jason whispers. Hearing her name escape his lips, is the last straw needed to break Sam. She gives in and trusts Jason will know what to do. She is trusting her connection with Jason will be strong enough to see the truth within the lies. She slowly moves her eyes to meet Jason’s. She stops breathing at the sight of him. It still stops her heart to see him. To see that face, to feel his presence, to feel his love is still surreal to her. She can’t handle it, part of her wants to run away the other part wants to run into his arms.

“You shouldn’t be here!” Sam cries. She hates what she has to do, and she still unsure if she should do what Drew wants or if she should just tell Jason everything and trust he can make it right.

“Sam, what do you mean? It’s me, Jason. I love you, and I’m here now. And everything is going to be okay. I promise.” Jason pleads. Looking into Sam’s eyes breaks Jason’s heart. He can see she is struggling with something. He can see she needs him, but he can also see she is resisting him. He senses her fear, and he doesn’t know how to proceed. He doesn’t know if her fear is for him or because of him. He just knows he doesn’t want to make things worse. He thought his presence would be welcomed.

“How do I know what your saying is truth? Why should I believe you are the real Jason? Sam cries. Sam internal battle is over. She makes her choice. She chose Jason. She chose her families safety.

JaSam… Chapter 4: The True Story

“Where is he?” Carly Screams. “I know he’s here. I want to see him right now.” Carly demands. Carly rushed from the hospital to the police station to be with Jason. She didn’t wait to hear what he did or why they were taking him in, to her it doesn’t matter what Jason does. He always had a good reason for what he does, and he never deserves to be locked up for it. Just like at the hospital, Carly doesn’t wait for a response she just screams, and she will scream until they bring Jason to her, and everyone in the squad room knows this to be true. Lucky for everyone, Carly won’t have to scream for long. Jason comes walking in from the back, right before Carly starts gearing up for another round.

“Carly, calm down! Stop screaming.” Jason requests. Carly breathes a sigh of relief at the sight of Jason. She hasn’t stopped worrying since seeing zombie Drew in the halls at the hospital. Carly is like a mother who panics every time her kid is out of her sight. She couldn’t imagine Jason being taken from her again.  Sometimes she thinks, this is all a dream, and her Jason is still gone. Seeing Jason handcuffed and being escorted by cops reminds Carly that this is nothing new to Jason. It reminds her that when it comes to Jason, she has nothing to worry about.

“How is Sam?” Jason questions. Jason knows if Carly is with him, she has seen Sam. Jason doesn’t care or have time for Carly’s freak out. He doesn’t care about his situation, or what he did to Franco; he only cares that his actions lead him to have to leave Sam alone.

“Sam is fine. She is being taken well care of by plenty of people.” Carly hisses. Carly hates that Jason put everyone before himself. She understands why he does it and that it’s who he is, but she wants him to understand sometimes he has to take care of himself if he wants to take care of everyone else. She needs him to understand that he needs her more than Sam does right now. Carly doesn’t doubt Sam has tons of people surrounding her. She looks around and sees Jason has nothing and she can’t help but feel responsible.

“You need to worry about you.” Carly reasons. “You went after Franco?” Carly recounts. Carly understands Jason motivation for going after Franco. What she doesn’t understand is why no one told Jason about Franco’s tumor. Or, why no one stopped him before he got to the point of getting himself arrested. Knowing he has already attacked Franco, makes it harder for her to tell him what she had with Franco. She doesn’t want Jason to hate her. She doesn’t think Jason could ever hate her, but she hasn’t known anyone that Jason has hated more than he hates Franco. And the rage she sees in Jason’s eye at the mention of Franco, lets her know his hate is still there. Stronger than ever, perhaps.

“It doesn’t matter, I don’t want to talk about Franco. How was Sam, when you last saw her?” Jason insists. Jason pushes his raging thoughts of Franco aside, his only concern is Sam. He never wanted to end up in a situation where he was away from Sam, especially when she needed and wanted him. Raging about Franco got him here, away from her. He won’t let those thought take over like that again. Sam and his family with her have to come first. Sam’s, I Love You, showed Jason what’s essential in his life. And that’s getting his life back with his wife and son.

“I told you she is fine! Can we talk about how we’re going to get you out of this? Diane is on her way. She’ll get you out.” Carly foretells. Carly’s only concern is Jason’s freedom, and she wants Jason to be concerned about that and only that. She doesn’t understand why Jason keeps asking about Sam. He’s acting like something happened to her, or that she’s in trouble. Carly wonders if something else happened beside the Franco altercation. Now that she thinks about it, the brief moment she saw Sam, Sam did seem upset, but not in danger.

“Did something else happen? Is Sam in danger?” Carly whispers. Carly starts to panic. She forgot people were after Jason and about Sam being taken from the hotel. A lot has happened in the last 24 hours.  She doesn’t want anyone she cares about in danger, especially Jason.  Carly knows if there is danger, Jason wouldn’t want the cops knowing. She knows he would want to handle it himself and he would want her to stay out of it. Carly knows Jason is the only one that can keep them all safe. She knows if Jason thought Sam was in danger he would do anything to protect her.

“No, I just don’t want her to be alone. Can you go be with her?” Jason stresses. Jason doesn’t want to freak Carly out and in turn freak Sam out, but Jason does sense danger, and he doesn’t want Sam to be alone. He has detected it since he first laid eyes on Drew through the Pent House windows. Jason intuition is telling him something is not right with Drew and this whole situation. And by the way, Drew acted last night at Sonny’s place and today at the hospital, Jason thinks his intuition is probably right.  Jason doesn’t know precisely what his feeling, but he knows he must protect the ones he loves at all cost. Jason wholeheartedly believes Drew will hurt Sam.

“Sam is fine. She has an entire hospital staff, and the guy pretending to be you.” Carly conveys. Carly doesn’t want to leave Jason. Carly feels Sam has enough people in her corner, she feels Jason needs her more right now, but she knows if Jason is asking her, he must really want it.

“Sam doesn’t want to be alone with that guy!” Jason lectures. “Can you just do it!” Jason thunders. Jason felt the change in Sam when Drew came into the room. He saw how stiff she got. He saw how she didn’t speak up for him when he was wailing about his wife.  He saw how Drew became a none factor in Sam’s eyes, but he also saw how Drew reacted, and he doesn’t want Sam alone with him. He needed Carly to be there, he needed her to be in Sam’s corner for once.

“Fine, you don’t have to look at me like that or yell! I’ll go!” A displeased Carly states. “I don’t want to leave you, but I’ll do what you ask.” Carly usually does what Carly wants, and right now she wants to stay with Jason, but the look in Jason’s eyes tell her he’s worried, extremely worried. Carly hated seeing Jason in this state. She could tell he felt like the situation was out of his control right now. Carly pulls Jason into an embrace and whispers in his ear “Sam is okay. Your home, we’ll all be okay.” She squeezes a little harder before heading for the door to fulfill Jason’s request.

Back the hospital…


Because he’s my husband, rings in Drew’s ears like Sunday Church bells. He’s not surprised by her response, he expected that would be her answer when he asked the question. He expected her to choose that Jason. He expected Sam to fight for Jason, he expected the minute she believed he was Jason, she would go running back to him. He knew when he walked into the room and saw them together, he would have to fight. And fight is what he is going to do. Drew wanted Jason’s life for a reason. He’s not going to give up just because Jason came back.

“What did you say?” Drew asks. Drew heard her loud and clear, but he’s giving her one last chance to pick the right brother, in his mind. He was giving her the power to choose who he becomes. He was giving her the power to allow him to stay Jason. He loved her, he loved the life she had given him; the family they had made. He knew Sam was the key to him staying Jason. He really believed she believed he was Jason.  Drew doesn’t want to become the person he will have to be if he wants to keep Sam. He doesn’t want to force Sam, but he will if he has to.

“He’s the real Jason Morgan. He’s my husband!” Sam states proudly again. Sam can now sense the shift in Drew. She can sense the same danger Jason has felt from the beginning. Any inkling of Jason in Drew is completely gone. She stares trying to see where she ever saw any Jason in him. Sam doesn’t recognize the man standing before her. She can’t see the man she shared the last 2 years with, all she can see before her is a stranger. All she sees is the man who kidnapped her all those years ago.

An angry Drew isn’t angry by Sam declaration of the real Jason Morgan. He’s tickled by it. He starts laughing at Sam’s answer. He starts laughing at the reality of their situation. He laughs at Jason return. He laughs at what has to come next.

“Are you sure he’s the one you want to be your husband? Maybe I need to help you see clearly again.” Drew states while moving towards Sam. Drew is disappointed that things will be taking the turn they are about to take, but he refuses to give up Jason’s life. He refuses to give up Sam. He feels he has worked too hard, to just walk away from it now. Drew had everything. Everything until Jason returned. Drew is worried about keeping Sam and Jason’s life. He thinks to himself, he has taken everything from Jason once before, he can do it again.

“What do you mean… see clearly again” A scared and confused Sam ask. Sam doesn’t understand why Drew would ask such a question. She doesn’t understand why he is acting this way. She knew he would be upset and confused, maybe even a little angry, but this behavior is just scaring her. Drew isn’t acting in a manner Sam assumed he would. His laugh and weird question, lets Sam know she isn’t dealing with the same man she woke up with a few days ago. A panicky Sam begins to search for her nurse’s call button. She doesn’t want to be alone with Drew anymore. She wishes she never agreed to this.

Drew makes it to her call button before she does. He snatches and waves it in her face in a mocking type way. She made her choice. He feels he has to do what he has to do.

“Oh, I’ll take that!” Drew states while snatching the call button out the wall. “You won’t be needing this right now. We have a few things to discuss. ALONE. Drew snapped. Drew feels alive to finally be himself. He didn’t feel the burden of being Jason until he finally took it off. He wanted to be Jason for so long, he forgot what it meant to be Drew. Drew knows what needs to be done. He ditched Carly earlier to prepare for what comes next.

“Why are doing this…um..why? Sam stammers. She isn’t sure what to do. She isn’t sure what to call him. She was about to say Jason, but he is no Jason. And with the way he’s acting, she realizes he never was. Sam can’t comprehend this new person. She thought he loved her. Sam can’t comprehend what is happening right now. Drew isn’t making any sense and all Sam wants is for the real Jason to come walking through the door. She fears Drew has turned on her and will do something crazy. She wishes she would have stopped Jason, so he could be with her.

“Jason is what you stopped yourself from saying. You can call me Jason. That is my name. That is the name you have been calling me, don’t stop now.” Drew smirks. Drew knows he has to start Plan B. He decides its time to bring in reinforcements.

“I can’t call you that. I don’t know who you are, but I know you are not Jason. And I know this must be hard. It’s hard for me, but I will help you. Jason and I both will help you. This doesn’t have to be a fight.” Sam professes. She only wants what’s best for everyone involved. She never wanted Drew to be hurt, but she can’t deny what her eyes and heart are telling her. That the real Jason is at the PCPD.

“I don’t even know where to begin, in figuring this out. I don’t know how you became Jason, but it’s was mistake. One we all can figure out together.” Sam pondered. Sam begins to think back to when Drew became Jason. How he became Jason. She recalls the DNA test. She recalls Spinelli’s program. He has Jason’s memories, she thinks. Her head begins to pound at the entire situation.

“We don’t need to figure out anything. I know who I am.” Drew snaps. Drew wanted to say, Drew. He wanted to say his real name. For a split second, he wanted to be Drew again. He wanted to be released from his Jason burden. He wanted to be him again, but then he remembered what being Drew meant, and he remembers he didn’t want to go back to that life; he couldn’t go back to that life.

“Please stop this. Please don’t do this. Don’t fight this, please!” Sam begs. She is terrified of what Drew is capable of. Drew’s eyes are wild. His neck is bulging with rage, and he’s slowly inching closer and closer to Sam. Sam’s heart begins to race. Her intuition is telling her something bad is coming, and Drew will be the one to deliver it. Drew starts to reach into his pocket, while Sam grabs the lamp next to her bed. Sam is ready for whatever Drew has for her.

“Whoa, calm down!” Drew mumbles while taking his cell phone out of his pocket. He wasn’t going to hurt Sam. He just wanted to show her something. Something he thinks will help persuade her that he, in fact, is the real Jason.

“I just wanted to show you pictures of the real Jason. These photos will help show you why I have to be Jason. Drew proclaims while handing Sam his phone. Sam doesn’t want to take the phone. Nothing he shows her will change her mind. Nothing he does can make her believe he’s the real Jason.

Drew grabs Sam and shoves the phone in her hand and makes her look at it. Sam doesn’t want to, she wants to close her eyes. But she can’t, she can’t look away. The images displayed on the screen makes Sam cry. She throws the phone at Drew and just looks at him horrified.

“Oh, there’s more.” Drew laughs. Drew starts to make a phone call. He never takes his eyes off Sam, he just hit 2 buttons, and the call is made. Drew knows he can’t turn back now. Showing Sam those pictures exposed who he really is. And making this call will put plan B in full swing. Drew always had a plan, if The real Jason ever came back.

“It’s time. Sam is ready to talk to you.” Drew tells the person on the other end. Sam wants to run. She wants to run straight to Jason and into his safe arms. After what she just witnessed on that phone, she definitely doesn’t want to take the call. She fears for everyone in her life, mostly Jason. She understands Drew now. She understands the game he’s playing. The game he has always been playing. Sam slowly and with great pains takes the phone from Drew.

“Hello?” Sam whimpers.


Carly arrives back at the hospital to find a missing Sam.

“Epiphany, where is Sam? She’s not in her room.” Carly inquires. Carly is pissed she had to leave Jason. She’s pissed that Sam isn’t in her room. She pissed that she has to deal with Sam when she feels Jason needs her more. She pissed Jason insisted she come here.  She pissed she doesn’t know what is going on or why Jason is freaking out.

“What do you mean? She was just in there with… that guy!” Epiphany panics. Carly and Epiphany both race back to Sam’s room, to find it empty. There are no signs of Drew or Sam.  They find the call button on the floor, and all of Sam’s belongings are gone. Both women race to the Pediatrics floor to find Danny. He is gone too.

“Where is Danny Morgan?” Epiphany asks. Epiphany becomes extremely worried. Something told her not to leave that room, but she had other patients to see, and Sam seemed comfortable with it. She wasn’t uncomfortable with leaving Sam with Drew, but she didn’t think they would go missing.

“His parent picked him up a little bit ago.” A nurse states.

Carly and Epiphany don’t understand why Sam would leave the hospital with Drew. One she wasn’t released yet, and then there’s the whole Jason thing.

Carly doesn’t hesitate, she pulls out her phone and makes a call.

“Sam isn’t at the hospital. She left with the other guy without telling anyone.” Carly tells the person on the phone.

JaSam.. The True Story: Chapter Three

A shocked Elizabeth stands off to the side, while a satisfied Sam screams for Jason to stop. But Jason can’t stop. All he can think is, I killed him, why is he here, I killed him.  It doesn’t matter, Jason thinks I cankill him now! I can finish what was supposed to be done years ago. Flashes of everything Franco has ever done race through Jason mind like a song on repeat.

Sam in that box. Punch

Michael being raped in prison. Throw.

Aiden being kidnapped. Punch.

Threating Joss. Kick

Sam in Hawaii. Punch.

All the mind games. Kick.

Jason is so angry he can’t register all the people that have gathered to stop him from killing Franco. Jason has one goal, and no one can prevent him from achieving it.  Jason manages to get his hands around Franco’s neck, and he thinks this is it. This is where I finish this for good. The more Jason thinks about everything Franco has done, the tighter his grip gets. Jason is taking all his feeling about Drew, his return and the last five years out on Franco, and that is okay with Jason. He can’t attack Drew the way he wants to because of his family and their love for him, but Franco deserves everything Jason got.

“This ends now, you sick freak.” Stone Cold implodes.  Before Jason can fulfill his threat, Sam’s voice beckons him back to reality.

“Jason, please don’t’ do this. I just got you back, please! Franco isn’t worth it. Please, look at me.” Sam begs. Sam has managed to make her way into the hallway and a path to Jason and Franco is cleared. Everyone knew, if anyone was going to stop Jason from killing Franco, it was Sam. She was the only one that could break through Stone Cold and reach Jason.  Jason pulls his arm back to throw another punch but is stopped by Sam’s touch. It light and subtle but it’s her touch, and her touch makes his heart stop.

“That’s it, just look at me.” Sam states. Jason let’s go of Franco’s neck and walks towards Sam. Jason is mesmerized by Sam strengthen. After everything she has been through in the last day, here she stands, supporting him, loving him.  He thinks, she has never looked more beautiful than she did right then.  His Phoenix, calming the Dragon within him.

“You shouldn’t have gotten out of bed.” Jason states while taking her hand and leading her back to her bed. The last thing Jason wants is for Sam to be hurt any more than she already has been. Jason felt Sam needed rest and Him. Franco would be dealt with later. He eases her back into her bed and just stares at her. Nothing else matters. It always amazed Sam how lost she could get in Jason baby blues. And five years hasn’t changed that. Lost in Jason’s eyes, Sam’s hair begins to fall from behind her ear before she can brush it out of the way, Jason’s trembling hand is already there. Jason slowly pushes Sam’s hair back behind her ear and cups her face in his hand. Sam closes her eyes and remembers all the times her face has rested in Jason’s hand. Here she wants to stay forever.

While Jason tends to Sam, Elizabeth tends to a beaten Franco. Jason really beat into Franco. He can barely stand. Unlike other times in the past, Franco won’t be walking away from this altercation so easily. Someone calls for a gurney, while others come to help. Everyone running to assist Franco angers Jason further. Once Jason secures Sam back in her bed, his on the hunt again. Franco doesn’t deserve anyone’s help or kindness; he deserves to die. Jason refuses to let Franco slip away again. He acknowledges Sam needs him, but the hate he feels at the moment blinds him to what really matters.

“Stay here, don’t get back out of bed, please.” Jason pleads with Sam while placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. As Jason’s lips linger, Sam lightly places her hand on Jason’s chest at the exact moment Jason’s heart begins to race. Jason’s racing heart causes a slight jump out of Sam. Sam was reacting to her and Jason’s heart syncing. She hasn’t felt her heart beat like this since that night Jason went missing. She hasn’t felt this alive since Jason went missing. She thinks I never want to feel my heart beat at another pace, as Jason turns his attention back to the crowd that has gathered to assist Franco.

Jason breaks through the crowd and plants his knee right into Franco’s chest and throws him against the wall. Jason pounds Franco into the wall, while the bystanders plead with him to stop.  Everyone can see Stone Cold has completely taken over Jason, and they all know there is no stopping him now. Sam does what Jason wishes and stays in bed. She wants to get up and stop him, but she understands what he’s doing and why he needs to do it. Sam is the only one who can genuinely grasp Jason’s hate for Franco. Most of it stems from what Franco has done to Sam, and that’s why Sam refuses to help Franco.

“Sam, will you do something? Stop this before he kills him!” Elizabeth begs. Elizabeth stands in the doorway shaking. She sees Jason old face on this man, but she doesn’t know if what she is seeing can be real, and she doesn’t have time to focus on it. Whoever this man with Jason’s old face is, he was killing the man she loves. She needed Sam’s help to save Franco’s life. She needed Sam to stop the man again.

“What do you expect from…” Sam is interrupted by the cops. The sight of police sends Sam into Mob Wife mode. She breaks Jason wishes and jumps out of bed and runs to get to him before the cops reach him. She can’t see what happens, Elizabeth has most of the door blocked. Sam pushes past an upset Elizabeth but she too late, by the time she makes it through the crowd, the fight is broken up, and Jason is in handcuffs and being pulled towards the elevator.

“Why is Jason in handcuffed?” Sam asks. Sam doesn’t miss a beat when it comes to protecting Jason from the cops. It’s like those five years hadn’t even happened the way Jason and Sam are acting. The pair fall into their routine, fighting for each other; no matter what. Sam has positioned herself to stand right in front of Jason. Blocking the cops from Jason and him from them. Jason marvels at her love for him. He wishes she would have stayed in bed, but he understands Sam is just doing what comes naturally to her.

“Really? You were literally just sitting there watching him beat a man, and you’re asking why he’s in handcuffs? One of the officer’s rumbles, while the other pulls Jason away. The officers don’t understand why Sam would ask such a silly question, but they don’t understand Jason and Sam. These officers are new; they don’t know Jason or his history with Franco. They see the scene for what it is. One man is badly beating by another. So, they are taking Jason, and they don’t care how anyone feels about it.

“NO, wait! Jason doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t understand the Franco situation. He’s been gone for five years! Please don’t take him.” Sam explains. Sam understands what Jason did, means he has to go to jail, but he did what he did base off 5-year-old knowledge. She feels he shouldn’t be blamed for that. The last thing Sam wants is to see Jason carted off to the PCPD; she just got him back. She couldn’t bear the thought of being separated from him. Not now.

“Lock him up. If he stays, he will kill me. Lock him up!” A severely beaten Franco stresses, before being wheeled down the hall to be taken care of.  Five years hasn’t made Franco forget what Jason is capable. Franco knows Jason doesn’t know about his tumor, but Franco also knows that if Jason did know, he wouldn’t care. His reaction to him wouldn’t change. Franco knows Jason wants him dead. No matter what! The officers don’t hesitate; they begin to take Jason away.

“No, let me say bye first.” Sam pleads, while pulling Jason back to her. The officers grant them a moment. Sam’s eyes begin to water when she makes eye contact with Jason. She doesn’t want him to go. There is so much she needs to tell him. So much she needs to hear, but before any of that, she just needs to hold him, be with him, love him. She takes this time to intertwine her fingers into his slowly. Sam watches as each finger connects with Jason’s. She is so enthralled in love; she doesn’t notice the crowd all around them. She doesn’t notice that Drew is apart of that of that crowd. All she notices is Jason. All she notices is the ache in his eyes, the quiver in his lip, and the smile in his heartbeat.

Sam slowly stands on the tips of her toes and leans into Jason.  Her quivering lips matches the pace of his quivering lips. Right before their lips connect they both draw in a deep breath, breathing each other in.  Their lips connect washing the last five years away. They connect as one. They connect renewing their love for each other.  They connect as Phoenix and Dragon.

Jason kisses Sam with everything in him. His entire being is trying to put all his love for her in this one kiss.  To him, her lips have never felt so sweet. To him, this is the moment he has been waiting for since he woke up in Russia. To Jason, this is everything. His wife not only acknowledges him as Jason but loves him as Jason; in front of everyone. Jason can go to PCPD a happy man, knowing Sam will be waiting for him. Jason knows if he has Sam everything else will be okay, no matter what happens next.

“Enough.” One of the officer’s states while pulling Jason out of the embrace. Their lips disconnect, but their hand and eyes remain intertwined. For them, everything was renewed with that kiss. Everything that has ever been known between them remained true and that kiss proved it to them both. They stay in the aftermath of their kiss for a moment. Relishing in their love.

“I’m going with him!” Sam states breaking their moment.

“No, Sam! That’s the last thing I want.” Jason whispers. “You need to stay here and rest. I’ll come back to you.” Jason bargained. After that kiss, Jason doesn’t want to leave Sam, but he knows he has no choice. He knows that his rage will dictate where he ends up tonight. “Just call Sonny or a lawyer.” Jason whisper. He knows that he made the wrong choice based on the wrong emotions. And now he must leave Sam. The officers begin to pull Jason and Sam apart. As each finger untwines, tears drop from Sam’s face. With every tear that falls, Jason hates himself a little more.

“’I’ll call Diane.” Sam chuckles. She chuckles at the fact that she is uttering those words in reference to Jason. She chuckles at the fact that she could fall back in with Jason, so easily. She chuckles at the fact nothing has changed between them. She chuckles at the last five years. She chuckles at how pure their love is and always has been.

Before Sam loses sight of Jason, she gives him a small gift to take with him.

“I love YOU, Jason Morgan.” Sam declares. Sam declaration of love makes Jason want to fight against the cop and run straight back to Sam. Sam declaration is everything Jason has been fighting for since waking up in clinic. Sam’s love is everything. Sam’s love is all Jason ever needed or wanted. Sam’s love is Jason’s peace.

Sam just stays in the hall staring down it. Once Jason is completely out of sight, the gravity of Jason’s return hits Sam, and she attempts to run after them but is halted. Epiphany is there to stop her. Epiphany knew Sam would run after Jason the minute they slapped the cuffs on him. During Jason and Sam’s moment, Epiphany began to slowly move towards Sam, just in case she choose to run. Epiphany knew odds were she would.

“No, no , no! Jason said he wanted you to stay here, Sam!” Epiphany soothes.

“I have to go; I have to go him. Jason needs me, and I need him. Please don’t stop me.” Sam fights. Epiphany grabs Sam and pulls her into an embrace she wasn’t ready for. Sam tries fights against Epiphany’s hold, but in her weaken state, she is no match for Epiphany. Once completely covered in Epiphany’s embrace, a trembling Sam breaks down. Sam lets the weight of everything crush her to the floor, and she allows Epiphany comfort to finally embrace her. After a while, Sam seems to calm herself and Epiphany manages to get her back to her room and back into bed.

“Child, let Jason handle that and you handle this. You were drugged last night; those drugs are still in your system. You need rest!” Epiphany urges. Epiphany understands Sam need to run after Jason. She understands the love between them; she just doesn’t care. Sam is not leaving this bed again. Epiphany doesn’t know what she is going to do to keep Sam away from Jason, but she’ll do whatever it takes to keep Sam in this bed.  She won’t have to worry too long Carly was on her way back when she bumps into Drew in the hall.

“Hey, there you are! I turned around and you were gone.” Carly inquires. “Where did you go? Are you okay? Carly questions. Drew doesn’t register Carly presence, he’s lost somewhere in his head. Carly can see Drew is visibly upset, more upset than before. She can tell something shook him to his core. Carly is more intrigued with Drew than ever before. She can see he knows something juicy and she wants the tea.

“Hey, you in there? Why are you just standing out here? Is Jason still in there?” Carly wonders. Drew isn’t responding to Carly. He is lost staring at the spot Jason and Sam connected their lips for the first time in 5 years. He just stares at the place where his whole life turned down a path he can’t wrap his brain around. Drew can’t accept what he just witnessed; he can’t accept this is the end of him as Jason, the end of him and Sam. So, he just stares, trying to understand where it all went wrong. Carly is over zombie Drew; her first concern is her Jason. Carly pops her head around the corner and witnesses Sam and Epiphany alone in the room. She begins to freak that Jason isn’t in the room with them.

“Where is Jason? What happened out there? Why is the other guy frozen in the hall?” Carly panics while racing into Sam’s hospital room. Carly can see evidence that something terrible happened outside Sam’s room. She can see the blood and the broken crap everywhere. Her mind only leads her to one place. Something has happened to Jason. Before she gives Epiphany or Sam a chance to respond, she is already telling them what she thinks happened.

“Oh My God, did the fake Jason do something to the real Jason. What happened out there? Why is there blood? Why is the fake Jason just standing outside your room staring at the wall? What is going on here? And will someone tell me where Jason is? Carly rambles. Every bad scenario is racing through Carly’s head. She can’t comprehend where Jason could be. All Jason wanted was to be with Sam. And he’s not here, but there is a lot of blood and a man staring a wall.

“Carly, will you shut up! Not everything is about you! Okay!” Sam proclaims. The last thing Sam wants to do is deal with Carly. She loves Carly, now, but she can’t handle her right now. Sam has too many emotions of her own to deal with, she can’t handle Carly’s also.

“Nobody did anything to Jason. Jason was the one who did the doing. He saw Franco.” Epiphany explains before she can finish explaining what else happened, Carly bolts out the door.

“Carly, wait! Where are you going?” Sam screams to stop her.

“I’m going to Jason! He’s at the PCPD, right?” Carly states while bolting back out the door. Carly doesn’t need to be told where Jason is. The way the hall looks and Carly’s knowledge of Jason’s hate for Franco, Carly knows Jason is at the PCPD. Like Sam, Carly doesn’t think, she just goes straight into protection mode.

“Call Diane!” Sam screams as Drew finally walks into the room. With Carly’s rambling and sudden departure, Sam totally forgot she wanted Carly to explain what she meant by the other Jason staring in the hallway. Sam begins to panic at the thought of being alone with this man. She knows he isn’t her Jason; she just doesn’t know how to tell him or if he already knows. Sam isn’t fearful of Drew; she believes he would never hurt her, she just doesn’t understand his part in the last five years or his part going further.

“Epiphany, am I allowed to have time with MY wife?” Drew emphasized. Drew doesn’t care what Epiphany answer is. Knowing that the real Jason is out of the hospital, no one is going to stop Drew from having a chat with Sam. In his eyes, they have a lot to discuss. Before Epiphany gives Drew her response, she looks to Sam for guidance. Epiphany isn’t sure what she should do, but she is sure Sam thinks the other guy is Jason.

“Um, that’s up to Sam.” Epiphany’s states since Sam hasn’t looked away from the doorway since Drew filled it. Sam takes a moment to weigh her options before nodding her head yes. Like Drew, Sam has a lot she feels needs to be address before she or Jason get released; whichever one comes first. Drew moves further into the room, to allow Epiphany to exit. Once Epiphany has cleared the doorway, Drew slams the door shut.

“Was that really necessary?” Sam inquires. Sam still doesn’t sense the threat in the room. When she looks at Drew she doesn’t see Jason, but she does she a man she fell in love with. A man who has taken care of her and her children. A man who has been kind, caring and gentle. But not Jason, definitely not with the look he has in his eyes for her at this moment.

“Was that necessary?” Drew mocks. “Yes, it was! She shoved me out of your room early!” Drew nags. Drew’s transform from Jason to Drew was quick and something Sam is slowly picking up on. Sam stares through the man she thought was Jason and wonders how. How could she have ever thought the man before her was Jason?

“At my request. No need to be rude to Epiphany.” Sam argues.  Drew’s attitude is starting to rub Sam the wrong way. She knows this must be hard for Drew. She understands his whole world is about to be taken from him, and he has a right to feel upset, but not with her. Her whole world is about to change also. They are experiencing this together. She needs Drew to understand that what comes next, isn’t her fault.

“And why would you request to be alone with that imposter? Over your husband?” Drew grumbles while placing himself at the foot of Sam’s hospital bed. Drew knows Sam feelings on the two Jason. He saw their love for the first time, and he knows she believes the other guy is Jason. He could see their connection, and he knows Sam will run straight to Jason once released from the hospital.

“Because HE IS my husband!” Sam proudly states.

JaSam..The True Story: Chapter 2

“I knew my wife wanted me to stay!” Rejoices Drew. Drew begins to make his way past Jason and Epiphany. He knows deep down, Sam was talking about the other guy when she said Jason, but his not going to leave until she specifically makes him leave. He vows right then that he was going to make it hard for her to leave him. Before he can reach Sam, Epiphany stops him.  

“Were you talking about this one, Sam?” Epiphany questions while grabbing Drew. Everyone in that room knows which Jason she was referring to. And everyone sees what the imposter is doing.  They can see what he’s doing to Sam. With the two Jason standing side by side, everyone could tell who was real and who was fake. They can see he’s not Jason.  

“Of course, she was talking about me.” Drew contests. “I’m the real Jason. Me! Ok, stop confusing my wife. I want you both to leave us alone” Drew whines while trying to brush pass Epiphany. He’s fighting a losing battle. Epiphany is a brick house. She will not be moved.  While Epiphany and Drew battle for who can be next to Sam, Sam and Jason haven’t stopped staring at each other since Sam found her voice again, and said Jason. Jason can see the pain in her soul, and he wants to make it stop. He wants to be the Jason she is referring too, the one that gets to stay with her in her time of need.    

To hear his name, come from her lips, after 5 years, was the icing on the cake. Jason was over this unnecessary bullshit. He felt that he had spent enough time away from Sam. Jason didn’t want to waste another minute hearing the wannabe scream about “his” wife. He didn’t want to lose another minute not fulfilling her requesting eyes. 

“ENOUGH!” Jason’s voice thunders through the room.  “Enough!” Jason’s voice softens once he has the rooms attention. Jason doesn’t like to yell, but he saw what this was doing to Sam, and it hurt his soul to see her like this.  “Sam can tell us who she was referring too. Sam, can tell us who she wants to stay. It’s Sam’s choice, it’s what Sam wants.” Jason testifies. 

Jason’s statement melts Sam’s heart. It there was any doubt in her mind, it was all washed away by Jason’s words. Her Jason never told her what she wanted or needed. Her Jason always asked her wants and needs. Her Jason, only ever wanted whatever she wanted. Whatever made her truly happy.  Sam becomes overwhelmed by Jason testimony; her eyes swell with tears and her heart monitor beings to beat rapidly. Sam begins to remember her wedding to Jason, the words he said, the words she said, the emotions they felt. She remembers the smell of the garden, the look on Jason’s face. Sam recognizes the love in his eyes. She remembers the passion in his words. She remembers… her Dragon.  

“The union between a bride and groom is the union between the phoenix and the dragon.” 

“The dragon is the symbol of strength, it can scare off evil spirits. Protect the innocent and can bless those around him with safety.” 

Sam yearns for the dragon in Jason. A yearning she had become dull to over the years but was now burning straight through her soul. This silent desire was causing her monitors to go crazy. Remembering her wedding sent Sam’s heart and mind into overdrive. The emotions from that memory were stronger than she expected. She’s feeling the emotions from her wedding night, and this night. It so intense, all she can do is cry.  

“It’s not Sam’s choice, it’s all these monitors beeping choice. OUT NOW” Epiphany commands. Epiphany begins ushering the men out of the room. She not sure what Sam wants, but she knows what Sam needs, and that’s time away from these two. The pressure is too much for Epiphany and it not even her burden to bear. The twins don’t fight Epiphany, they can see Sam is not okay. Before they can leave, Sam’s voice baits them back in.  

“I meant you!” Sam whispers while raising her hand to point at Jason. “I want you to stay, Please!” Sam requested. Sam wasn’t going to let her internal battle interfere with her reunion with Jason. She needed to be alone with him. Sam doesn’t know what being alone with him mean, but she needs it more than anything right now. She needs him.  

“Sam, you really need to rest.” Epiphany begs. Epiphany can tell she is fighting the impossible. Now that Sam has made it clear who she wants to stay, Epiphany knows she can’t keep Jason out of this room and honestly, she doesn’t want to. Epiphany witness first hand their love. She has encountered the lengths these two will go to for each other. She just moves aside as Jason makes his way back into the room.  Epiphany look to the other guy, she was never worried about Jason in this situation, she was always concerned about how the other guy is going to react.  And right now, she can see he’s about to blow.  

“No, like Jason said, I can tell you what I want. And, I want Jason to stay!” Sam states with power in her voice. This time she doesn’t leave any room for doubt, she has her hand reached out to Jason. Standing in the doorway, Drew’s whole world is blowing up right now; he doesn’t know what to think. He didn’t expect it to happen this fast. He didn’t expect she would believe him without proof. Drew tries to figure a way to stay in the room. He estimates if that Jason gets to stay, his definitely staying too. Before he can make his way back into the room, Epiphany is in the way. She forces Drew out the room while closing the door behind.  

“Sam, you have 5 minutes before I send you doctor back in here!” Epiphany warns. Epiphany fight to get the door shut. She knows once its shut, she’ll have better control over Drew. Drew is fighting her but not giving his all to get back into the room. He knows he has lost this battle, he slowly begins to back off Epiphany, but his not through with her. He has something she needs to hear.  

“What the hell, Epiphany? What in the hell was that? Sam, needs me, her husband, ME, not some imposter. Sam’s mental state is fragile, and this will only worsen it.” Drew explains. Drew realizes that the harsh in your face fight wasn’t working. So, he switches gears. He figures he can play on the nurse in Epiphany and get her to let him back into the room.   

“That was me giving my patient what she asked. And, that was to speak with Jason.” Epiphany reassures. Epiphany can tell she said the wrong thing. Proclaiming the other guy as Jason makes Drew’s eyes go wild. Drew has a craziness in his eyes, Epiphany has never seen before. Her only saving grace is she knows the real Jason is right on the other side of that door.  

“Jason? Jason? That’s what I mean. Sam isn’t well if she thinks that guy is Jason. I’m Jason! I’m the Jason that has been here the last two years. She confused. She wants me in the room.” Drew insists. Drew doesn’t like feeling like an outsider, he doesn’t like feeling like everyone is turning against him. He has worked too hard to lose it all now. He is Jason if it kills him.  

“Look, if she wants to talk to you or have you in the room, she would have said so. Give her the time she requested. If you’re the Jason she wants, I have no doubt she will let everyone know.” Epiphany offers. Epiphany begins to move Drew away from the door, hoping her words of kindness helped him calm down. Drew quick jerk and side step, lets her know that she failed.  

“SHE IS MY WIFE, AND NO ON WILL KEEP HER AWAY FROM ME” Drew bellows. Drew doesn’t care what Epiphany thinks or wants. Jason and Sam have had enough time, it needed to end now. Drew reaches for the doorknob determined to cut the happy couple’s reunion short before he can truly grasp the handle, Carly is back.  

“Hey, what’s going on? Why are you out here screaming at Epiphany? Where is Jason?” Carly wonders. Carly understands this must be extremely hard for this other guy. Carly doesn’t want to make a difficult situation harder, but she knows that not accepting the truth now, will make it impossible once he starts fighting for a place in Sam’s life. Drew has always been good to Carly, but Jason is her Best Person for life.  

“You too, Carly? You too believe this guy over me? If he’s Jason… What does that make me?” Drew inquires. Drew knows who he is, and who he wants to be. Jason. And he refuses to hand it all over without a fight. For Drew, it wasn’t about taking his brother’s life. It was about the life he built with Jason’s tools. That was the life Drew would fight to the death for. Sam, Scout, and Aurora. 

“I don’t know who you are! But I know it’s not Jason.” Carly whispers. Carly can see what this is doing to Drew. And it breaks her heart. When she needed a Jason the most, he was there, and she wants to be here for him now. But only if it doesn’t interfere with getting Jason his life back.  She can see all the pain this is causing, but it ok to Carly; if Jason can have his life with Sam and Danny, all of Drew’s pain will be worth it. In Carly’s mind Drew needs to find who he is and what his family is because this isn’t it and Carly vows at this moment she will give everything she took from Jason, back.  

Carly looks up from Drew and notices Jason and Sam are alone in her hospital room. Carly seize the opportunity to get Drew away so Jason can have this much needed time with Sam. Carly signals Epiphany that she will take it from here. Epiphany leaves in search of Sam’s doctor. Carly ushers Drew down the hall and away from Sam’s room. 


We enter Sam’s hospital room, while Just you and me softly plays in the background.  


“Why are you still crying? Are you ok? Do you want me to leave?”  Jason asks while moving closer to her bed. He wants to sit next to her and hold her hand, but he doesn’t want to overwhelm her even more. He just stands there admiring her beauty, his hands trembling at his side. Everything in him wants to scoop her up and just hold her, but he holds back, he just nervously waits for instruction from her. 

Sam doesn’t answer Jason with words. Instead, she merely reaches her hand to him. This small gesture makes Jason’s heart burst with joy. He touched her earlier for a moment, but this was different. This was her calling to him, a call he was glad to answer. Jason quickly and without breaking eye contact moves to accept Sam offer.  Their hands connect, causing a tear to escape Jason’s eye.   

The two of them stay in this moment, connected by hands, eyes, and hearts. Nothing else is needed. Nothing else is desire. They speak a language that hasn’t been seen in 5 years. Connected in this moment, Sam is at peace. A sense of peace she hasn’t felt since that night on the docks.  Could this be true? Sam thinks. She has dreamed of this moment for five years. She has dreamed of seeing his face, with his eyes, staring back at her for 5 years. And now here he is, with those eyes just for her.   

“Danny!” Jason mentions. Jason has so many questions about so many things, but the only one that matters to him right now is Danny. Jason understands that Danny is his nephew and that why they may look alike. But Danny doesn’t just look like Jason a little, he’s the spitting image of Jason. Jason can’t deny what his heart is telling him. He knew the minute he saw Danny, he knew Danny was his son with Sam. Before Jason can finish asking his question, Sam interrupts.  

“Heather lied. Franco lied. Danny is our son!” Sam announces. Jason knew the truth but to hear the words enter the atmosphere, makes him feel frozen and weak.  The gravity of what has been taken away from him the last 5 years hits him even harder with this revelation. Jason’s head begins to swirl with everything that he has missed. Starting with being there for Sam while she was pregnant. The way Jason acted during that time, has been heavy on his heart and knowing Danny is his son makes what he did unforgivable in his eyes. He thinks maybe this is what he deserves for not being there when Sam needed him most. He thinks he deserves to have missed 5 years. He thinks he will spend the rest of his life making it up to Sam and Danny.   

“Sam, the biology never mattered to me. I loved Danny, no matter what. In my heart his ours, no matter what. I just needed to tell you that. I just need you to know. ” Jason confesses.  

Knock, Knock, knock.   

The door swings open, interrupting Jason and Sam.  

“Sam, we just heard what happened! Are you okay?”  

Jason turns from Sam to be greeted by Elizabeth and Franco. Everything in Jason’s world goes silent. Everything he hated was standing right before him. Jason thinks but how? How was Franco alive? Jason watched him burned. The rage Jason had been holding back from Drew, was now bubbling at the surface, with nowhere to go but into Franco.  

“How is he alive?” Jason rages. He doesn’t wait for an answer, Stone Cold has taken completely over, and Jason is in attack mode. He charges straight for Franco, barely giving a visible shocked Elizabeth time to get out of the way.  



Throw, punch. 


Jason beats Franco.  

JaSam.. The True Story: Chapter One

“It’s me, Sam. I’m here.” Jason exclaims with a flutter of excitement in his chest. The moment he has waited 5 years for was finally here. He had finally made eye contact with his true love, but something wasn’t right. It was her, but it wasn’t her either.

“It’s you, you’re real. Last night was real.” Sam cries. Jason hurries himself to Sam’s side. The last thing he has ever wanted was her to shed tears.

“Don’t cry, I’m here! I’m real! I’m Jason!” Jason professes. He just stares at her. She looks so different, yet the same woman he fell in love with. He sees the old Sam features and memorizes the new one. She is absolutely breathtaking. Without even realizing it, Jason places his hand on top of hers. Her heart monitor begins to beep stronger and louder. While she just cries, trying to understand how? How is he Jason, when Jason just left?

The moment he connects with her, he realizes Carly was right. He needed to see Sam and Sam needed to see him. Sam realizes the truth she has been running from for the past two years was smacking her in the face. Connected in a room with no words, their eyes tell each other everything that is needed to be known. Everything 5 years took from them.

“Who are you?” A voice from the door echoes. They had been so entranced by each other, they didn’t realize Danny was at the door.  Jason took one look at him and knew. That is my son. That is my Daniel Edward. Sam couldn’t believe her eyes. Her boy and his father were finally together. Her only wish for Danny was to know Jason love and now he would.

“You’re Danny, right?” Jason asks while inching closer to him. The pull of their son is something he could never resist. He just wanted to be closer to him, be closer to them both.  The last time he saw them, they were all so happy. He just wants that feeling again. He wants home again.

“Right!” Danny says with a smile on his face.  His smile makes Jason smile. It’s subtle, simple and just like mine, thinks Jason. Witnessing her two men smile at each other makes Sam’s heart sing. Both parents stared at Danny with feelings of overwhelming joy, love, sadness, regret, and guilt. Jason mainly overwhelmed by his boldness.

“Right, um um um I’m a friend of your mom. I remember your uncle, that she named you after.” Jason explains. Jason would rather be telling Danny he is his father, but he knows that is Sam’s choice. That is Sam’s call.  If only he knew Sam was feeling the same thing. Sam hasn’t spoken a word since making eye contact with Jason. She doesn’t know what to say or where to start. And seeing Danny with his father is making it harder to find her voice. She wants to scream “HE IS YOUR SON! HE WAS NEVER FRANCO’S” but the words are lodged deep in her throat, refusing to be set free.

“How come I’ve never met you?” Danny asks while walking closer to Jason. Jason can’t believe it. His son with Sam is big and talking and is standing right in front of him. Everything he ever wanted was in that room. Realizing this, the last missed five years mean nothing if they’re safe and happy.

With Danny standing face to face with Jason, Sam couldn’t deny the unspoken connection she was witnessing. She felt like she was witnessing pure joy, a feeling she hadn’t felt since the night Danny came home.  She couldn’t deny her son his true father any longer. Watching them talk through tear stained eyes helped Sam find her voice and she was ready to tell them both.

“Mommy, Why are you crying?” Danny asks while moving past Jason to get closer to his mother. Just like his father Danny hated seeing his mom cry.

“Because I’m so happy to see you, my love.” Sam states while making eye contact with Jason. They have a whole conversation while Danny tells his mommy about the card he made for her. Sam’s eyes tell Jason: This is your son, and I will reunite you two soon. Before Jason can respond his concentrations is broken by a request from Danny.

“Can you help me up?” Ask Danny. Jason looks back to Sam in disbelief. He can’t believe he will be able to hold his son again. When Danny first came into the room, Jason couldn’t believe he was actually seeing him, but to be able to touch him, hold him; it takes everything in Jason not to break down and cry to the heavens for this gift. He slowly bends down to pick Danny up, he takes his time because he wants to remember every moment of this. He remembers the last time Danny was in his arm, and he wants to replace that memory with this.

Jason thought touching Sam after 5 years would be the best feeling, but he was wrong. Picking up his son after 5 years is equal to if not greater than touching Sam. Jason couldn’t wait for the hug, he knew he probably shouldn’t hug Danny in this moment, but he can’t help himself. Jason wants to feel his sons heart beat. Before he can wrap his son in a 5 years worth of love embraced the hospital room door swings open knocking Sam and Jason back to reality. Sam was so caught up in the moment she forgot the other Jason would be right back.

“Put my son down!” Drew screams. His worst nightmare is right before his eyes. His twin brother has made contact with Sam. “Get out!” Jason places Danny back down and steps aside, a move he doesn’t want to do but after the way he acted last night, Jason doesn’t know what this guy is capable. Jason looks to Sam for guidance and notices she’s shaking, something she wasn’t doing before the other guy showed up.

“Sam are you okay.” A worried Jason inquires. Jason knows something is wrong with her. He can see it on her face. He can feel it in the air. Where confusion once was now lay fear. Her facial expression switched from joy to pain. This upsets Jason, he thinks I must get her away from this. As Jason moves towards Sam, Drew steps in front him blocking his path to Sam. Just as Jason is preparing himself to fight, Danny’s voice pulls him back.

“Did I do something wrong?” Danny whimpers. With all the confusion that filled the room when the other guy entered, Jason forgot Danny was still here. Knowing his son is in here, Jason backs down and moves towards the door.

“No, son. This bad man was just leaving.” Drew proudly brags. Drew knows that Jason won’t try anything with Danny in the room. Drew knows he has everything Jason hold dear to his heart, and Drew knows Jason would do anything to make them happy.

“But mommy didn’t say he was bad, she said he was her friend.” Danny professes. “He said he knows uncle Danny, I don’t want him to go.” Danny can sense that something is wrong. He can see the way his daddy is staring at mommy’s friend and he doesn’t like it. He doesn’t like that daddy is being mean to Mommy’s friend. He doesn’t want the man to leave, he wants to hear more about his Uncle Danny.

Before anyone can explain to Danny why it’s best Mommy’s friend leaves, Carly comes barreling through the door.

“Hey everyone, is everything ok in here?” Carly asks.

“No, daddy wants mommy’s friend to leave, but that’s not what mommy and I want. Right mommy?” Danny grumbles. Everyone looks at Danny wondering how are they going explain this tricky situation to him. Everyone is at a lost for words, except Carly.

“Oh, is that right Danny? Maybe mommy’s friend stays here, and you and I go check out the cool games in the playroom. Doesn’t that sound fun?” Carly suggests. Danny takes a moment to look each adult in the face, he lingers on his mother a little longer. Danny doesn’t want to leave his mother, he can feel something is not right with her.

“Are you going to be ok? Your tears were really because you were happy to see me?” Danny asks while wiping a tear from his mother’s cheek.

“Yes, my sweet boy. Go have fun! Momma loves you.” Sam grasp. This is all too much for her to handle, Jason and Danny. Jason and Jason. Jason, Danny, and the other guy. Jason, the other guy, and Sam. The weight of this reality is crippling, cause her heart and mind to split in two.

“Love you too Mommy. Love you, Daddy.” States Danny while running for the door to greet Carly. Hearing him call that man Danny makes Jason want to be shot. Anything would be better than hearing his son with Sam, call someone else daddy. It was never supposed to be like this. This wasn’t supposed to be another Jake situation. Jason watches Danny disappear down the hall and thinks, this son was always supposed to be mine.

“I don’t know who you are, or what you want but you can leave NOW.” Drew announces. He knows with Danny out of the room, there is no stopping Jason from attacking. Nothing stopping him from taking his life back. Drew knows the fight he has been preparing fives years starts now. Too bad Jason isn’t paying him or his yelling any mind. Jason only focus since losing sight of Danny is Sam. He can feel, that something is wrong with her.

Sam, are you ok? You never answered before.” Jason asks. The only thing Jason has cared about since entering the hospital was making sure Sam was okay. Nothing else matters. Jason understands why this guy may feel threatened, but whatever is going on doesn’t compare to Sam.

“You don’t get to talk to my wife. I said leave NOW.” Drew is beyond upset. Everything he has worked for the past 2 years, will be for nothing if Sam chooses Jason. This guy is supposed to be dead. Drew thinks he has to do something, he has to make this guy look like a fake in Sam’s eyes.

“Who are you? You show up here, upsetting my wife, my son. You think because you have my face, you can come here and take my life?” Drew commands. Jason doesn’t flinch. He is unbothered by this guy yelling, the only thing that concerns him is the look of fear on Sam has had since the other guy showed up. Jason refuses to acknowledge the other guy, he refuses to take his eyes off of Sam.

“ANSWER ME.” Drew howls. That howl makes Sam jump out of her skin, an action that didn’t go unnoticed by Jason. Jason begins to move in on Drew, he has had enough of his yells and demands. He looks to Sam for the okay but instead notices her heart monitor is beeping strong and loud again, but worse than before. Both men move towards her offering her comfort before either can reach her they’re stopped by a voice.

What in blaze hell is going on in here?” Epiphany Johnson bellows.  “What is all th the the yelling?” Now I’ll be damned. Are you the cause of all of this?” Epiphany can’t believe what she is seeing, but she doesn’t have time to be shocked, she has a patient to tend to. A patient who is probably more shocked than she is.

“Hello, Epiphany, and I’m afraid so!” Jason states with a smile on his face. He has seen a few people since his return, but he didn’t realize that seeing Epiphany would make him so happy. Even more so, seeing that she recognized him made him happier.

“Well, I’m going to ask you all to leave. The doctors prescribe my patient rest, and rest is what she’ll get. I want you both out.” Epiphany demands. Jason looks to Sam for instruction on what she wants. Jason respects Epiphany, but it’s about what Sam wants, not her.

Sam looks from the other guy to Jason. Her eyes stay mesmerized by Jason, even after Drew says her name. Sam couldn’t look away if she tired.

“Sam? I’m not leaving, she is MY wife.” Drew interjects. Drew can see he is losing Sam. He can see the pull and the real love they share. The love Sam always talked about in the beginning. A love, he now sees he never came close to. It was never about love for Drew. It was about power, and he wasn’t going to give that up now.

“No one asked you to hop a flight to Bora Bora. You both can wait quietly in the hall. Sam needs rest!” Declares Epiphany. Epiphany was playing no games with these two. Even though neither wanted to leave, they both knew Epiphany meant business. As both men turn to leave the room, Sam finds her voice again.

“Wait, I want Jason to stay!” Sam explains. Both men stop dead in their tracks. They both spin around hoping she was talking about them. They both look at her with longing eyes, hoping they’re the Jason she’s referring too.

“You need to rest, Sam. Maybe I should call the doctor for a sedative. You have had a long day.” Epiphany pleads with Sam. Sam doesn’t want to sleep, she doesn’t need rest. She needs answers and only one person can give her that.

No, I don’t need any of that. I just need Jason. Sam proclaims.

My Brothers Keeper

MAR. 5--DAY 16, 9-yakap_advent_image

Fried Baloney. What is going on? She laughs, causing me to laugh. In this moment I forget about my dream or Nox’s warning. I admire my Mothers natural beauty, I admire her fruitful laugh, her big beautiful smile. In this moment, she isn’t a woman missing her son; she’s just a woman who got startled and thought it was funny. We make eye contact, and it tells me everything I need to know, it all comes rushing back to the both of us. She examines my broken, fragile body on the floor and she lets a tear escape. She turns away fighting the tears. She fights the weakness in her. She fights the need to crumble.  She fights to not think about the what if. She fights to be who she thinks, she needs to be for me.  She fights to not lets her sadness consume her. She fights to not be broken and fragile too, until she realizes she’s fighting the impossible. Alone with just the two of us in this room she lets the gravity of the situation hit her. I don’t talk, I don’t move; I let her break down in silence. I let her scream and weep, and asks the heavens why. I let her let it all out until it crushes her to the floor next to me. I ease her head into my lap and stroke her hair the same way she  does ours when we are sad. I try to give her everything she has ever given me. I just want her to know she is not fighting the impossible alone.

Death by Bully

“Wake up, and don’t make me tell you again.” My mother screams while pounding on the wall that separates our rooms.

Every day when I wake up, I would just lay in bed with my eyes close. Aware of everything around, just yearning to hang on to the little bit of control I felt I had.  The darkness was calming to me, it was the only thing I could relate to these days. The way it was everything and nothing at the same time.  The way it surrounded everything, leaving no room for anything but its blackness. The few seconds I got every day to just be in the darkness was the best part of being awake. It was the best part of my day.

Getting out of bed was a chore and one I didn’t get paid to do.  I didn’t want to wake up, I didn’t want to see the sun shining, or my mother’s morning smile. I didn’t want to have to go school or more like hell on earth for anyone who is different.  I just want to live the darkness, in the complete peace; but I knew before long I would hear mother’s voices bellowing at me to get ready for school. Slowly and with great anguish, I open my eyes to greet the day. The brightness from the sun instantly burns my eyes causing me to quickly shut them. When the tears rain over my eyes it feels like hell itself got a rain storm. After a couple of blinks, I completely open my eyes to see my mother standing in the doorway and she is not smiling.

“What are you doing? Why are you still in bed?” She barks

“I’m moving, just chill out!” I snarl back. I was moving, but at a snail pace! I always took my time when getting ready for school, if I missed the bus even better. I hated school. I take that back, I didn’t hate school; I hate the people I was force to attend school with. There was a time when school was everything to me, there wasn’t a subject or person I didn’t like. But that was in the before. Before kids realized what judgment of other was. Before they realized that we are all made differently. Before they realized I was different.


“CAN TODAY BE THE DAY?” I yell down the stairs to my mom who is cooking something in the kitchen that smells heavenly. No response. I stand at the top of the stairs with my toes curled around the lip of the step to keep me balanced. I slowly rock back and forth, anxiously awaiting her response.

“PLEASE SAY TODAY CAN BE THE DAY?” I yell inquisitively

Every day I asked my mom if she could transfer me to a new school. And every day she would tell me no. She would say “Olson, is the best school in the district. Do you know how hard I had to work to get you into that school?” “This is the school, Nalah. This is the school that will get you to Harvard.”

I knew this, but it didn’t matter to me. Did she not realize that the school she loved, was killing my soul? As I turn to stomp back down the hall towards the bathroom, very faintly I hear a “YES” echo up the stair.

“Did you say YES?” I scream with excitement fluttering my voice.

“Yes, Nalah! If you are asking to transfer schools, then yes, I said”… Before she could finish her sentence I was pulling her into an embrace.

“Thank you, Thank you, Thank You.” With every thank you I said, I roughly kissed her on the cheek. This is the best day ever I tell her while I jump around the kitchen.

“You better go get ready before you’re late for the bus and I change my mind.” She states nonchalantly. Full of pure joy, I skip my way out of the kitchen and back up the stairs.

She said yes, she finally said yes; was all I could think about as I got ready for school that day. I never expected her to say yes, I mean I’ve been asking for the last 2 years. And it was always met with a disappointing no and some lecture about how it was the best school for me. But, what now? I never thought about what “Yes” actually meant. Now sitting on my bed after getting the yes, I’ve been waiting so long for, I was nervous. The yes presented me with an unknown, and took me down a new path that was uncharted territory. This realization scared me but I wasn’t going to let that stop me from being happy.

Is this what it felt like to be happy to go to school? I couldn’t remember, it had been so long since I was happy about school.  I didn’t understand this feeling I was feeling. Was it excitement, happiness or pure joy? I didn’t know but I loved it. I loved the fact that riding this bus to that school had an end date. There was light at the end of the tunnel and I could see it clear as day.

I usually hate the school bus, to me it was a tube of metal that drove me to my torment 5 days a week; but today I sat in the seat right behind the bus driver with a smile on my face. I was probably unrecognizable to people. I mean, me with a smile on my face, I don’t think these people that see me every day have ever seen such a thing on my face. But there it was, big and bright as ever. It was my prize jewel and I wanted everyone to see it, so I decided before the bus arrived at the school that everyone would see it. I would spend my last days here showing them they hadn’t won, they hadn’t beaten me; but standing in front of the big wood doors that lead into the school I could feel the fear spilling back in.

As I reached for the door handle, I could feel my soul reducing itself to nothing. By the time, I made it through the threshold, the smile I was so proud of was nonexistent.  With my eyes glued to the ground, I moved through the school. I had to think of myself as a small spec on the wall just to make it through the day. And today was going to be no different. I so badly wanted to walk these halls proud of myself, but the overwhelming fear that surrounds me with even the thought of this place consumed every part of me.  I instantly went into survival mode.

Survival mode for me meant being invisible, meant drawing no attention to myself, meant making it through the day without incident. Today I was not successful in my attempts to go unnoticed. The first half of the day went by like a breeze, no problems but that’s probably because we had state wide testing. It was lunch time now.

Most days I eat lunch in the library by myself, but because of the testing I’m forced to eat with everyone else in the cafeteria. I should have skipped lunch, but with all the excitement this morning I forgot to eat breakfast so I chanced it. I made sure to wait until lunch was almost over, when most of the kids had already got and eaten their food. I sat at the table closest to the door, it was empty. I kept my head down and tried to eat fast, but before I knew it all eyes were on me.

The whole cafeteria went silent and they were all looking at me. I didn’t understand why? Was there something on my face, was there something going on behind me? Before I could turn completely around, I felt it. It was cold and mushy and gave me instant goosebumps. Whatever it was, was slowly moving down my back and into my pants. Complete embarrassment runs over my entire being, as a roar of laughter floods the room. I sat there unable to move in complete shock, all I could do was close my eyes. I just tried to escape into the darkness until it was over, before I could a small hand press the mush against my back. The girl lowers her body on to the sit next to me and with a huge smile on her face she says “You never eat lunch in here. I was surprised but so happy I decided to come join you.  My mother always taught me to share with the less fortunate, and since you came so late I decided to share to my leftovers with you.”

She places her hand back on my back, causing me to jump and squeal. This reflex movement tickles her. With a hard pat to my back she departs me. Half way to her table she turns around and yells back “Hope you enjoyed.”

I bolt up from the table and run straight out the cafeteria. The laughter of my peers follow me through the hall like a ghost haunting me. I just run, causing the mystery mush to travels further down my pants. The more the mush travels down, the more the despair threatens to take over.

I don’t know when or how, but I’m in the nurse’s offices. I’m not crying but my face is wet. I’m shaking but I’m not cold.

“Nalah, Nalah? Look at me. Do you know where you are? Nalah?”

It’s Nurse Ferguson. Her eyes are all bugged and her face is red and blotchy!

“Nalah, you must say something, you’re freaking me out kid.” She states, while giving me a shake that knocks me out of my shock.

I look Nurse Ferguson straight in the eyes and burst into tears. With Nurse Ferguson I can be free, here I can let me guard down. Fighting through tears, fears and pain I gently weep “She finally said yes, she finally said I can leave this place.” As the final word escapes my mouth, she pulls me into an embrace so tight I think the mush might seep into my skin, that the mush and I would become one. With a faint whisper that releases me from my burden, Nurse Ferguson says, “let’s get you changed and into some dry clothes.”

On the bus ride home, I tried to think about how it was all coming to an end, about how I would be transferring soon but it didn’t help. The only thoughts racing though my head were facts;

I wasn’t wearing my clothes. FACT.

My favorite shirt was now in the trash. FACT.

These aren’t the shoes my mother called darling. FACT.

I spent the rest of the day hiding in the nurse’s offices. FACT.

I was a coward, who would never stand up for herself. FACT.

I deserved everything I got. FACT.


I stood at my front door staring at nothing for an hour before I attempted to enter. How was I going to explain this to my mum, when I couldn’t explain it to myself?  I told myself I was trying to figure out ways to explain it to my mum but what I was really trying to do was explain this to myself. Explain why I just sat there. Explain why I didn’t scream, fight or something. Explain why I was a pathetic, weak and small. I was trying to figure out what to even say. Everything around me was spiraling and spinning. Reaching for the knob to my front door felt like I was putting my hand over a direct flame. Every instinct in my body was telling me danger. I closed my eyes trying to focus myself. I close my eyes to enter the darkness and seep in the calm. I reach and my hand finally touches the knob, before I can turn it the door swings open; dragging me with it.

Followed by my mother’s voice. “Where have you been? The school called, said you had an allergic reaction.” She said with a quiver in her voice.

I could tell she was nervous. The unknown made her nervous.

“Nalah, who’s clothes are you wearing?” she demanded.

I stood frozen staring through her. She grabs me, grounding me. I finally register her. I fall into her.  I weep, I try to explain but the words don’t form. In her arms, I feel home. My mother’s embrace is my safest place other than the darkness. In her arms, I stay for the rest of the night. We spend the night intertwined. Her prodding for information and me trying to find my words. After what seems like hours of silence, I find my voice. From the depths of my soul I muster.

“They poured some chocolate food mush down my back.”

Before she can ask any more question I bury my face into her chest and just weep into her warm bosom. I never told my mom what really went on during my day at school. My mom is one of those angry momma bears, who would probably tear the school down over me. Most days, that’s what I want her to do but the shame of my weakness won’t let me let her help me. The misery is all I know now. The misery is all I deserve. I just weep from my shame, I weep for my misery and before long I wasn’t the one weeping anymore.  I don’t know when the switch happened but now it was my mum weeping. The longer she wept for me, the tighter her embrace around me got. It felt as if she was trying to will the sadness out of me and into her. Her gentle weeps slowly rocks my body to sleep. Before the darkness completely takes over I whisper,

“Just make sure Monday is my last day.”

On this morning, I didn’t lay in the darkness. On this morning, I didn’t need to keep my eyes shut tight. On this morning, I was already wake. The excitement of this day would not let me sleep, it would not the darkness take over.

Boom, Boom, Boom!!

“TODAY IS THE DAY!”  I shout while pounding on the wall that separates our bedrooms.

“I hope you’re awake, because I am ready to start the day.” I state while I bounce off the bed and head to my closet.

“If I would have known that allowing you to transfer school, would cause this; I would have let you transfer a long time ago. I haven’t seen this Nalah for years now.” My mother states with glee in her voice.

She was standing in the doorway of my room, admiring me. For the first time in a long time she was seeing me. For the first in a long time she could see the light within. She still didn’t know the whole story and I was thankful for the space she was giving me. That night she promised that today would be my last day. She told me I never had to step foot in that place again if I didn’t want too. But I did. I wanted to say goodbye to the few friends I had. Nurse Ferguson, my English teacher and my only real friend Janelle. I owed them goodbyes, for everything they ever did to help my situation. I owed myself a proper goodbye.

“You know you don’t have to go. We can stay home and watch 90’s chick flicks” I’ll straighten you’re hair the way you like.” My mother pleaded with me.

“Me, skip school? You, suggesting me skip school?” I state with a mischief look on my face.

“Mom, its one day and it was one incident. I’ll be ok”. I promised. I say trying to convince myself more than her. The look in her eyes told me everything, they told me she knew. She knew everything. I look away from her pleading eyes and head for the door. Before I completely leave the house, I turn back and with one last look at my mom I tell her

“We’ll talk more tonight, I promise.”

Today I wore that smile again. I sat on the bus and told myself I would walk tall. I told myself that I would walk through those doors the girl my mother saw this morning.  I would walk through those halls proud. Every day I hated going to school. Everyday my mind and body were under attack. But today was different. Today was a new beginning for me. The sun was finally shining in my direction. It was my last day at this school. For the first time in ever, I walked into that building that had beaten me to the bone with my head held high. Today nothing any of these people say or do is going to get to me.

First class of the day, English. My safe zone. There no one can touch me, but the way I’m feeling right now I don’t need a safe zone. I’ve never felt this feeling before, it’s overwhelming but calming. It was like being in the darkness, but in the light. I can’t wait for this day to be over, but I fear it’s going to take forever. Everything is in slow motion, in this slow motion I feel them coming at me like a pack of wild dogs. In the corner of my ear I hear one say,

“So, we hear today is your last day here?”

With every word, out of her mouth my body gets smaller and smaller. She continues by getting closer to my ear and says,

“I hope it’s not because I shared my lunch with you.” She proceeded to laugh and says, “I was just trying to be nice, you’re so ungrateful.”

I lower my head trying not to be seen, when another girl position herself right in front of me, looking me straight in my eyes and says,

“Well than we just have to make it a good last day, won’t we ladies.” The chuckles that flowed through the room made my soul crumble. I wanted to run and hide but it was like my feet were stuck to the ground. In that moment, my body became cement. Defeated I slowly lowered my head.

It was the same for these girls; every day they would find innovative ways to torment me. I don’t really know why they hate me, or what I have done to deserve this type of abuse from them, but it’s become our everyday dance. I’d avoid them at all cost, they seek me out like a dog looking for its bone. Instead of focusing on schoolwork, these girls who had once been my friends now only focused on me. Instead of studying about Martin Luther King and Malcom X, they were learning the limits they could push me to. “A good last day!” What does that even mean I thought. In a slow panic, I begin to sweat thinking of all the possible ways that they could make this a good last day. Before I knew what, I was doing I said,

“You could leave me alone, that would make it a good day.”

“She speaks, she sounds like the mouse rodent she is but she finally spoke” one of the girls says tightly.

In unison, all three girls walk away whispering and laughing.

We had gym class next, the worst class period of the day. This class was supervised by a lazy teacher who was only here to collect a check.  Knowing this and knowing what these girls are capable of, I fear that the attempts on my life in the past will come true today. Something about the way they moved on this day, made the hairs on my body stand straight up. Walking into the locker room I could feel the fear dripping off me. I knew they could smell it a mile away, like they were the loins and I the prey.

I hated being in this room. The chlorine smell was so overpowering it made my insides burn. Changing into my bathing suit, I had to make myself take a moment to refocus, to help calm the spinning room. With the noise and the smell, it was hard to escape into the darkness and find peace. Anyways I had to hurry before they saw me. The locker room is where they got in most of their jabs at me. I quickly locked my locker back up, and before anyone could see I ran to the back of the locker room and out the door into the pool area.

It’s quiet in here. The water seems asleep, giving me a sense of secured hope. Without warning I slip into the darkness and let it cradle me like being wrapped in my mother’s arms. A blinding light wakes me from my day-dream. I jump into the pool, I can feel every inch of the water and the water can feel every inch of me. I love the water. The water can be like the darkness. Everything and nothing. Water can surround everything, leaving no room for anything. If it wanted too. The teacher yells I’ll be right back and tell us to continue with free swim.

In that moment, I knew that something was going to happen to me. I closed my eyes and wait. Within seconds I could hear the waves of the water hitting me. Suddenly cold small hands begin to cover my body. I don’t fight them; I just let whatever is going to happen, happen. They’re pulling me farther and farther into the pool. They’re really going to kill me this time. I could feel it; they had been trying to kill me for the last 2 weeks, and now it was going to happen.

Soon the water has swallowed my whole body. My body begins to jerk and thrash around, it begins to fight for me, when I refused to fight for myself. Everything is peaceful and silent. Everything feels right and safe. In this moment, darkness fills every corner of me. In this moment, I am nothing and everything. I am full. I am centered. I am free. In this darkness, I am everything I will ever be. As the darkness threaten to take over, I now understand. I understand me.

I come to with people all around me, and a fire in my chest. I can’t feel my body, but I can feel the cold and the pain. Everything hurts. My body feel like it is one heavy lump of nothing trapping my soul in a place of misery. I close my eyes trying to embrace the darkness but I can’t. There are people all around me moving and screaming, but I can’t hear them. Their faces tell me everything that’s happened. In their eyes, I can tell I’m alive. Smiles ran over their faces, you can see that their relieved I’m alive.

I close my eyes, trying to regain that sense of peace that made me feel so safe. I close my eyes, wishing the girls had done their job, wishing they had killed me. Suddenly I’m yanked to my feet, and carried off to the nurse’s office. They poke and ask many question, but I stay frozen staring at the walls. I feel nothing, but this yearning in the pit of my stomach that calls me back to the water. I want to feel alive again.

The rest of day went on like any other day, but everything was different. I was different. I now walked the halls like a zombie. My body is still alive but my soul feels disconnected, out of place. My soul felt trapped, like it was forced back into a jail cell; like it was being punished for a crime that wasn’t hers. My view of the world now were different. Everything I saw was different. I’m different.

The bus ride home proved that to me. Sitting on that bus facing my best friend, I could tell she knew I was different. She wanted to know what happened but all I could explain was the feeling I got from being in that pool. The feeling of being alive and at peace with myself. How could I explain that I now understood who I was, when I didn’t even understand what was happening? I just knew whatever it was, it was right. I tried to explain but she didn’t understand and I didn’t expect her to. Looking into her eyes, I could see she was looking right through me. I could see the fear on her face, the fear she had for me. Before I knew it, she grabbed me into an embrace I wasn’t ready for. Like every other day, she told me everything was going to be okay, that tomorrow would be better. Today for the first time I actually believed her.

Later that night when I got home from school, my mom was waiting at the door for me again. The minute she saw me she started with the question, asking me this, telling me that. I knew deep down inside she loved me and was worried. But all I could think about was that pool and that feeling and how I was going to experience it again. Without a word, I brush pass her trying to reach the stairs but she stops me.

“You promised Nalah, you promised you would explain to me what is going on.” She begs wobbly.

“Please let me in.”

I stand frozen, unable to move or register the activity around me.

“First I get a call last week about you getting bullied and now today they say you almost drowned.”

She grabs my arms so rough, she causes a burning sensation to pierce through my entire upper body. Looking me square in the eyes and with a tremor in her voice she states

“They said it might not have been an accident. You may be a victim of bullying again today”

When those words escaped her mouth, I crumbled to the ground. She knew. She knew I was weak and pathetic. She knew I was a coward. I could no longer live in the shadows of my misery. I could no longer lie to her face. I had to let the momma bear roar.

There was no escaping my mum. She had questions and she demanded answers. For the most part my mum was always gentle and understanding with me, but right now she was hurt, confused and angry. She didn’t understand why she didn’t know, why no one had told her. Why I hadn’t told her. Why she didn’t see it. Like me, my mum was blaming herself. She paced up and down the kitchen, asking question after question just trying to understand. But she didn’t understand, because I didn’t understand.

“Make me understand. I need to know why?” She demands

Understand what, Mom? I snap back. Understand that I’m a coward that let all this stuff happen to me and I  never stopped it. Is that what you want to understand?

How could I make her understand something I myself didn’t understand? I didn’t know why I just sat there and let them mentally and physically abuse me. I didn’t know why I stop reporting it to the teachers. I didn’t know why I didn’t want her to know. I didn’t know why I was so weak but I was.

“Baby, I can’t help if you don’t make sense of all this.” She pleads

“I’M WEAK” I scream

“I’m weak, ok. Not everyone is strong, not everyone is you.” I state as I run out the room and up the stairs.

Once away from my mother pleading eyes, I rushed to the bathroom, turned on the water with the intent of taking a bath to get the chlorine off me, but once my body hit the water I knew what I had to do to get that feeling back. I knew I had to finish what they started. I slowly lowered my body into the bath tub until my entire body was under the water. I opened my eyes as the peace covered my body and the darkness filed my head. For the first time ever, I was awake in the darkness. In this moment, I’m alive. In this moment, I knew I had to die.

Mind Fuck

It was so sudden, how you entered my mind and fucked things up
I didn’t even know what was happening until I was enlighten.
Enlighten by your words, engulfed in your phases.
Moved by the simplicities of your thought process.
The elegance of your word play was enticingly earth
shattering to everything I knew was right.
Crumbling around me were all the wrongs I thought were right
The more you spoke, the more my world was shattered
Your words were like key strokes on a piano
Playing a melody for my heart
Soothing the beast within
Comforting in the truth with
Your street smart mentality with your book smart delivery
was everything my world needed
The more your words played in my head, the more my mind fractured into little
Pieces under the weight of your consciousness
Your speech tickled my soul, like a lullaby on a baby’s ear
Uplifting my sense of love
Releasing me to the universe
Molding my heart into yours, making us one
Blowing my mind completely apartimage